to Hive being
welcome
What is Hive Being, and Why the Name?
You have likely heard talk of a hive mind, where one global mind finds more or less figurative expression in various local minds. Such talk is common enough in nature documentaries, especially ones concerning ants or bees, and in sci-fi programs. Take that notion, at least a loose version of it, and broaden its scope. That will be a decent first step in understanding the title I have chosen both for my Blog and for the first five-volume installment of my magnum opus Made For You and Me, a fragmentary collection of minimalist stanzas from 2016 to 2020.
In alignment with Spinoza (the 17th Century Rationalist to whom I devoted my doctoral studies), I view reality in its totality as a grand hive Being: all entities are but pulsating manifestations of the buckstopping fount of everything, an ultimate being we might call “God” or “Nature” (so long as, out of respect for the capital “G” and the capital “N,” we limit it neither to some anthropomorphic cloud father hurling lightning bolts nor to mere wilderness untouched by human smog). According to the hive-Being view (where reality is one lone superorganism, a monistic—and we might even say unividualist—conception I defend in both my creative and academic capacities), each non-foundational being (each being, that is, whose essence does not involve existence) is an utterly necessitated expression or eruption or exudation of this eternal source—each is, perhaps better put, a mode or manner of being, and so a focal point through which is disclosed, what classical theists sometimes call “being itself” (ipsum esse subsistens): the realness of the real, the being of whatever may be, the sheer activity of being, the very isness of whatever is. This Blog, which duplicates my Substack, throbs as but one among many literary unfurlings of this self-necessitated foundation, this supreme wellspring, of which we—like black holes and broken beliefs, like fractal ferns and flickering flames—are the inevitable stylings.
My Journey
I am an academic who found himself pressured into early retirement by the rising tides of cancel culture. The illiberal scourge of censoring, silencing, and shaming—although always with us throughout our evolution—reached a local peak around 2021. That was the turbulent year my creative pursuits, which the old left once encouraged as a healthy outlet for the stresses of a childhood steeped in poverty and illiteracy, drew the ire of the new safe-space left. A small cadre of self-proclaimed victims and their allies, several of whom continue to berate me years later under pseudonyms as see through as their sexual infatuation, sought to erase me and my heterodoxy. They found support from a wannabe-woke dean, covered in the grand inquisitor robes of our decadent modernity (full-body tattoos) and just itching to signal his commitment to protecting “vulnerable populations” from triggering material (even if just, as it was in my case, off-duty poems “unbecoming for someone calling himself a teacher”). Although I eventually won my due-process case with the help of The Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression, I slunk away from a college that turned its back on protecting freedom of expression and from an institution increasingly intolerant of intellectual diversity.
The wrecking ball to my too-comfy office in the windowless ivory tower came with a silver lining. From the ashes of my professional aspirations rose a phoenix of increased freedom to fulfill the literary calling I have pursued for decades. Reputation concerns never stopped me, even within academia’s sterile halls of conformity. Indeed, my unapologetic defiance, which has long baffled friends and family, no doubt chummed even safe waters—almost as if I were asking for it all along—until the cancel shiver grew too frenzied to hold back its blind thrashings. But now, now I piston the most forbidden territories of human thought with no longer even a twinge of conscience. The newfound freedom means extra time to hone my craft. When not assisting special-needs communities (a day job far more rewarding than freeway-flyer drudgeries), I pursue my literary mission with Dionysian fervor.
Call for Co-Conspirators
This space, my digital sanctuary, showcases the fruits of my mission. Think of my posts, even those linking to my publications, as works in progress. I want your input, unflinching brutality included. Each post begins with an invitation to action: “Let’s workshop this [draft about x, y, z].” Your contributions, whether through public comments or my contact page, help hammer scraps of ore into polished blades fit for magazine publication.
Your input is valuable, even if you are neither a writer nor a reader of literature—twin disciplines dying by the cyber nanosecond. Sometimes—even if at the risk of uttering banalities—an outsider’s fresh vantage can pierce the veils of convention to reveal what insiders miss. It often takes an outsider to make us even think to question our ingrained presuppositions and attitudes. I stand by the hygienic value of contagion. That is one reason I advocate so strongly for intellectual diversity and freedom of expression. And that is also one reason I was so harrowed by the anti-diversity swell of cancel culture in academia (an institution that should be the utmost caretaker of such values)—harrowed especially insofar as that swell masqueraded under the gaslighting guise of “diversity”).
You will witness the breathing evolution of my writings over time. To track these changes, I label each revision by round: “ROUND 2,” ROUND 3,” and so forth. Each piece undergoes continuous refinement based on your feedback and my own revisitations. Sometimes changes will mar the work. That is the risk of creative tinkering as a finite creature. I hope you will alert me to missteps. After many semesters of university writing workshops, one rule has impressed itself upon me: when someone senses a flaw, something almost always needs to change—even if, yes, the proposed solution misses the mark (which often it does). From a quick look into the archives, accessible here, you can see how much I have benefited from your feedback so far.
My Hope
Sharing drafts can be daunting. But showing you the ravaged and unperfumed real deal unfiltered by makeup (stuttering starts and falsities, awkward line breaks and clumsy word choices, grammatical errors and misspellings)—that not only makes my work more relatable, but helps me refine things through your input. I hope the unfiltered look at the raw process of fumbling, rather than just the polished product, also helps other writers develop their craft. Imperfect works often instruct more than perfect ones: whereas the perfect ones tend to have a grace by which they slip inside us without activating our scrutiny, the imperfect ones—especially the near perfect ones—show us glaringly what not to do.
People laugh at me, seeing—in my tilting at the windmills of literary excellence—a Don Quixote clunking around in Arthurian armor in a post-knight era. I am not naïve. I am well aware of the diminishing ability to read, let alone well: slowly and deeply, with gratitude. I am also aware that my style, which often nests subpoints within larger points, never waters down virtuosity for the sake of mass appeal. I watch readers stumble over my sentences, unable to unlock even just the music of the envelope let alone the semantic meat within, which—given my tendency to flashlight through the darker facets of human nature (the addicts, the miscreants, the abusers among us)—only adds an additional alienating layer of difficulty). Beholding these depressive scenes of even supportive family members getting bucked off my syntactic bronco makes me feel like a dinosaur who should get a hint and, if not succumb to the brain rot of skibidi-toilet speak, just hang himself already. Even though the decline in linguistic background and grammatical voltage makes my compositions seem quixotic in a world binging Netflix and TikTok, I persist—raging against the dying of the light—by some internal compulsion to celebrate the richness of language and thought.
My hope is that, despite social media’s unparalleled power to farm our attention, people never forget the unique power of writing. Beyond unveiling hypocrisy, teasing out complex implications, and detailing the commonalities between even the most alien phenomena, writing offers something we need today—trapped in agoraphobic cyber bubbles only thickened by the Lyme dangers of forests and the COVID dangers of cities—perhaps more than ever. Granting us rich access to the first-person perspectives of others (to how things feel to them), writing serves as one of humanity’s best tools for combating loneliness. It allows us to linger, broadly and deeply and at high resolution, within the inner lives of others in a way that other arts can only suggest.
What to Expect
My work spans a broad spectrum: from metaphysical discourses on free will and determinism and the ontology of holes to the ephemera of western culture (whether the childhood impacts of the hypersexual mono-image of black woman as squirting twerkers or Terrence Howard’s sham revolution of mathematics). Some tight and minimal, others free-flowing sprawls; some heady and abstract, others emotional and imagistic—my inkwell musings, which often blend scholarly rigor with a dark humor from both high and low culture, aim to capture the visceral intensity of our personal and social and ultimately existential predicaments.
By no means can I deny that drug abuse, sexual assault, and the tales of the broken and the damned loom large in the tag cloud of my work. My writing will never be a paradise of easy truths and comforting lies. It will challenge you, provoke you, and at times even repulse you. I offer no apologies for the monsters I unleash. They are as much a part of us, at long root scared rodent mammals scurrying in the shadows of dinosaurs, as our noblest aspirations.
But make no mistake. It is not all downer darkness. The archives are my receipts. You will find pieces exploring the pursuit of authenticity in a media-saturated world, the search for meaning in an indifferent cosmos, and the celebration of beauty in both the sublime and the profane. I locate much of my inspiration, in fact, in novelists like Dostoevsky and poets like Ted Kooser—writers unafraid to pursue moral agendas or risk Hallmark sentimentality in an age that often sneers at sincerity.
Be they satirical dissections of modern social dynamics or poignant poems about addiction or academic articles on moral responsibility, my goal is to provoke thought, evoke emotion, and foster meaningful dialogue. Fear has not and will not stop me from challenging humanity’s fundamental taboos (like bestiality and cannibalism) or self-reflecting into the dark chaos of the subconscious, even if that means exposing the Jungian shadows—the inner Goebbels—lurking within us all!
Expect posts each day, no day missed. Donations are welcome, but I impose no paywall: it feels wrong to charge for art, especially given our date with obliteration. Feel free to explore what amounts to, at the time of writing this, close to a thousand pieces of poetry and prose here. That should give you a sense of what awaits.
Join me—specula holstered—on this literary odyssey into the public and private nooks of the hive Being. Let us navigate the labyrinth of creation together, confronting our demons and even slaying our darlings if we must. Let us dance on the razor’s edge between the sublime and the profane in pursuit of an elusive literary perfection never to be confused—as it has been confused in our declining civilization—with the pursuit of popularity or likeability over truth.
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Posts
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 43)
In this collection of fragmentary thoughts, "You Had to Have Jordans in School" reflects a chorus of voices entangled with loss, identity, and human fallibility. The fragments carry a raw immediacy, and their scope ranges from childhood insecurities to adult struggles with addiction, societal expectations, and existential dread. A recurring theme is how the human psyche navigates the tension between desire and restraint, often through complex mechanisms of projection, repression, and rationalization. By interweaving these distinct but connected vignettes, the piece crafts an overarching narrative on the ways we handle the pains and pressures that accumulate over a lifetime.
Many fragments examine compulsive or destructive behaviors as mechanisms of coping or identity reinforcement, from self-destructive relationships and addictions to a mother's internalized shame projected onto her daughter. This psychological mirroring is vividly encapsulated in lines like “estranged from friends and employment, what more reliable comfort for the troubles—even if ushered in by the drug—than the drug itself?” Here, the addiction itself becomes both the cause and the cure of alienation, illustrating the cyclical nature of dependence and the craving for relief within a state of deprivation.
Several of the fragments speak to the need for validation and belonging. The impulse to maintain appearances, avoid confrontation, or adopt a group identity despite personal ambivalence is shown through lines like “he alienates others to prove his alienation,” or the sardonic depiction of a funeral as “the only time they could all get along, but even here only if it had been one of them dead.” This ironic observation implies a pervasive struggle to achieve genuine connection in a culture that often prioritizes performance or decorum over authenticity, whether through social façades or token gestures of solidarity.
The work also delves into taboo topics, using the body and the senses as vehicles for vulnerability and disillusionment. Images of compulsive behaviors and existential reckoning—such as a mother’s desperation to shield her daughter from perceived moral peril or the fearful hesitation before an AIDS test—reveal the darker facets of intimacy, where love, shame, and duty intertwine uncomfortably. The text suggests that these internal conflicts are universally experienced but often publicly suppressed, amplifying the isolation and pain they cause.
Finally, the piece employs ritualistic imagery to hint at how humans seek control over the chaotic aspects of life. Rituals are invoked as means to placate fears, as seen in phrases like “conjure into reality, through ritual, what you are afraid about: cancer stress, repulsive jealousy, or so on,” evoking an almost primal need to stave off misfortune or catastrophe. By framing rituals as grounded in psychological necessity, the text juxtaposes them with fleeting, artificial consolations like drugs, highlighting the human tendency to seek grounding in a reality that often feels as fragile as the rituals themselves.
identity, addiction, repression, human frailty, ritual, psychological conflict, coping mechanisms, societal expectations, existential dread, compulsive behavior, isolation, cultural pressures, vulnerability, belonging, taboo
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 42)
This compilation of fragmented musings and observations draws upon various aspects of contemporary life, touching on the human condition, societal values, and the often absurd or grotesque ways we confront mortality, identity, and interpersonal relationships. Each vignette, while brief, offers a glimpse into a range of experiences, from addiction and self-destruction to social and existential commentary. The poems move between personal and collective reflections, revealing the complexities of human psychology, the tensions between societal expectations, and the inner workings of individuals who struggle with the realities of existence.
The recurring motif of addiction, both in its literal and metaphorical forms, is one of the central themes of the piece. Addiction is not limited to substances but extends to self-perception, identity formation, and the ways we navigate societal roles. Lines such as "no longer able to tell herself with any shred of persuasion that she can quit" illustrate the overwhelming sense of inevitability in the face of addiction's grip. There is also a clear critique of societal norms and institutions, as seen in references to "self-help books" and "curated digital identities," pointing to the artificiality and performance required to maintain a semblance of order in chaotic lives.
The use of humor and irony throughout the text serves as a coping mechanism, a way to mitigate the harshness of the observations made. For instance, the line about "organic panhandler conventions under night overpasses" reflects a satirical take on identity politics and societal shifts in discourse around gender and social justice. Similarly, the commentary on religion and belief, such as the claim that a "God who prioritizes belief over good deeds is a false god," underlines the inherent contradictions in certain theological or ideological stances. The poems oscillate between bleak existential truths and moments of dark humor, reflecting a nuanced understanding of both despair and resilience.
Themes of isolation and connection also pervade the work. The desire for belonging, whether in familial relationships, romantic partnerships, or within societal constructs, is palpable. Yet, the poems frequently reveal the fragility and failure of these connections, emphasizing the alienation that accompanies modern life. The “boredom displayed by a child,” or the laughter at "pathetic lunges at significance," points to an overarching sense of disillusionment and the search for meaning in a world that offers no easy answers.
Ultimately, this compilation of insights reflects on the contradictions and complexities of human experience. It exposes the insecurities, addictions, and absurdities of life, while also acknowledging the yearning for connection, meaning, and significance. In its fragmented and often disjointed form, the text mirrors the disarray of the lives it portrays, leaving the reader with a sense of both unease and recognition.
addiction, societal norms, alienation, existentialism, identity formation, human condition, satire, dark humor, religion, self-deception, modern life, isolation, interpersonal relationships, addiction recovery, societal critique.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 41)
The poem presents a vivid kaleidoscope of modern societal contradictions, emotional dissonance, and the conflicts between individual identity and communal expectations. Themes such as race, performance, addiction, and the human desire for permanence or stability are skillfully interwoven into seemingly fragmented but symbolically rich scenarios. The poem draws attention to the complex and often paradoxical relationships individuals have with societal structures, social media, and themselves.
The line "united in that we are shrieking" sets the tone for the entire poem: we are bound not by shared experiences or values, but by the intensity of our individual outcries, manifesting as a collective existential scream. From this framework, the subsequent lines explore how personal crises and social performativity entwine with identity and power dynamics. The reference to Veruca-Salt types highlights how false accusations can carry racial connotations, alluding to historical and racial tensions surrounding white women accusing black men of crimes they did not commit, an implicit critique of racial and gendered power imbalances.
The poem then shifts to the theme of identity construction through external validation and perception. The juxtaposition between personal self-grooming before an interview and the absurd extremes of celebrity cosmetic surgeries illustrates the fragility of self-perception in the face of societal pressures. The idea that social media breaks, themselves performative acts, become exaggerated as forms of integrity, underscores the tension between authenticity and the demands of public persona.
Further, the exploration of addiction is portrayed through the metaphor of superposition—mirroring quantum states where an addict balances between functional and dysfunctional behaviors until observed, which collapses these possibilities into a singular, tragic outcome. The reference to "slam poetry performances of charlatan Afrocentrism" critiques how certain movements that seek to resist white supremacy can become commodified, using easy slogans and hollow rhetoric to appeal to audiences rather than truly challenge systemic issues.
The depiction of the shopping-cart man suggests the blurred line between reality and performance in the lives of those on the margins of society. Similarly, the imagery of police shielding a black person's head as they arrest them juxtaposes a moment of humanity against the broader context of systemic violence, forcing readers to confront the contradictions of power.
In one of the most intimate moments of the poem, the parental figure attending their daughter's ballet recital for the first time wrestles with the realization that personal milestones are often overshadowed by the transactional demands of professional life. The poem thus captures a universal struggle between individual fulfillment and the broader societal expectations that threaten to strip it away.
Through a critique of race, class, performance, addiction, and identity, this piece deconstructs the myriad ways people construct, perform, and navigate their lives, often at the intersection of private desires and public roles.
identity performance, societal contradictions, addiction superposition, racial tensions, social media performativity, power dynamics, slam poetry critique, quantum metaphor, parental roles, systemic critique, individual fulfillment
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 40)
This fragmentary text presents a surreal and incisive critique of modern society's intersections between banality and horror. By opening with "taxidermist and painter, freeze-framing a facsimile of life," the imagery draws attention to the ways in which we attempt to capture and preserve life, art, and meaning, only to reduce them to static representations. This opening metaphor can be understood as a comment on the desire to hold onto fleeting moments or create permanence in an impermanent world, a theme that reverberates throughout the piece.
As the text moves into absurd and jarring territory—"puppy Prozac," "oversold syndromes," "parental locks and boobytraps on graves to stop necrophilic pedophilia"—it emphasizes the surreal overreactions and moral panics that permeate societal discourse. These moments seem to mock the way we inflate our fears and commodify suffering, whether it be through the over-medication of pets or exaggerated concerns over posthumous violations. There is a recurring theme of commodification and oversaturation, particularly in "her channel really just an infomercial slicker for the modern age," suggesting that even in areas that demand authenticity, such as personal expression, we are manipulated into a consumerist feedback loop.
The critique deepens with the satirical treatment of social and political discourse. Lines like "in the kneejerk from Trump, nonwhite 'truth' becomes sanctified" and "the YouTube did not really detect notes of oak and ylang-ylang" play with the way identity and authenticity are often co-opted or exaggerated for political or commercial gain. In particular, the text points out the insulation of certain narratives from critique, a trend amplified by the platforms that propagate them. This insulation, however, leads not to deeper understanding, but to superficial validation of particular identities or ideas.
The piece also explores personal and societal relationships with trauma and taboo, frequently veering into darker territory. "Withdrawing consent during the final strokes" and "biting the baby’s leg through the padding of lips" suggest boundary-pushing imagery that calls into question the nature of consent and control, both bodily and ideologically. The suggestion that certain behaviors, even in their innocence or intimacy, mask a deeper violence speaks to the fragility of trust and the complexity of human interaction.
The text is further marked by a preoccupation with existential crises and the passage of time. The motif of reflection on past moments—"memories no longer too powerful to write about," "funeral homes steel reinforced for obese corpses," "courtships born from horror"—highlights the way time dulls even the sharpest traumas. Yet, the imagery implies that society has built both physical and mental fortresses to contain these traumas, reinforcing the theme of artificial preservation.
In sum, this piece functions as a dense tapestry of societal, political, and existential critique. Through fragmented, surreal imagery, it interrogates modern responses to trauma, identity, consumerism, and authenticity, all while maintaining a sardonic tone that refuses to let the reader settle into comfort or complacency.
commodification, trauma, authenticity, consumerism, surrealism, societal critique, political discourse, existential reflection, identity politics, moral panic.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 39)
This poem presents a layered meditation on the collapse of personal and societal safeguards against existential and environmental decay. The title phrase, "that vinegar band of brevity where the safe word has no efficacy," immediately signals a situation where traditional mechanisms of protection, communication, and control break down. The metaphorical use of a safe word, often a tool of consent and boundary, is rendered powerless here, suggesting a world in which the boundaries between comfort and danger, self-preservation and destruction, are no longer maintained. This is a theme that resonates throughout the poem, which oscillates between deeply personal and grander societal reflections.
One of the most powerful images, "your father’s clothes there in the corner, double-bagged still from the hospital," evokes the stark reality of loss, the impersonal handling of death, and the attempt to distance oneself from grief through sterile containment. The use of “double-bagged” connotes both the literal precautionary handling of contaminated objects and a symbolic gesture to quarantine the overwhelming emotions surrounding death. This suggests a societal tendency to compartmentalize trauma, to sanitize grief rather than confront it.
In contrast, the image of “wild horses grazing upon radiation hidden inside familiar green” brings a startling clash between the natural and the artificial. The horses, symbols of freedom and untamed nature, now feed unknowingly on poisoned land, their innocence marred by the invisible dangers of human technology. This juxtaposition echoes a broader critique of environmental destruction masked by superficial normalcy, highlighting the ways in which the effects of industrialization and technological advancement seep unnoticed into the natural world.
The poem then veers into reflections on societal anesthesia through images like “techno hypnosis in Japanese pachinko parlors,” a reference to addictive, mind-numbing entertainment that distracts from existential threats. These lines suggest a critique of the contemporary tendency to avoid reality, drowning out real dangers with immersive, trivial distractions. Similarly, the question, “How would we act if we began each day with a funeral?” is a rhetorical challenge, urging the reader to consider the weight of mortality and the collective failure to confront it in a meaningful way. By living as if death and decay are distant abstractions, society avoids responsibility for its own decline.
Further, the poem addresses generational culpability, questioning why past generations did not act to "stop the horror," a reference perhaps to environmental degradation, systemic violence, or societal corruption. The silence of older generations is framed as complicity, and the poem portrays this neglect as an ongoing source of suffering for future generations. In the midst of these existential musings, the figure of the "bum king" hollering “Mush!” at his strays stands as an emblem of desperation and the crumbling of order, symbolizing how even those at society's fringes attempt to assert control in a world slipping into chaos.
At its core, the poem engages with themes of powerlessness, the futility of human structures against the forces of time and entropy, and the existential loneliness that accompanies the gradual realization of this powerlessness. It is a work that critiques the denial of uncomfortable truths—whether personal (grief, familial loss) or societal (environmental collapse, cultural anesthesia)—and challenges the reader to confront what has been systematically avoided.
existentialism, grief, societal collapse, environmental decay, powerlessness, control, modern distractions, generational guilt, human vulnerability, technological sedation.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 38)
This work presents a fragmented reflection on the darker undercurrents of human experience, focusing on trauma, repression, and the blurred boundaries between innocence and corruption. The imagery is visceral and often unsettling, blending the banal with the grotesque to evoke the ways in which trauma and desire coexist beneath the surface of everyday life. Themes of childhood innocence—juxtaposed against adult sexual desire—are explored through imagery that collapses the distance between pure curiosity and exploitation. For example, the toddler’s innocence is tainted by the presence of a molester, and a playful carousel ride morphs into a symbol of lurking, predatory intent. Such images suggest that the line between innocence and corruption is precarious, and that society’s attempts to uphold these distinctions are fragile at best.
From a psychoanalytic perspective, the poem can be interpreted as a meditation on the return of the repressed. The grotesque acts and desires mentioned—such as the molester’s exploitation of a toddler or the autistic child digging into their own flesh—seem to surface as manifestations of latent, unspoken traumas. Freud’s theory of the unconscious, particularly his idea that repressed desires and fears manifest in unexpected and often disturbing ways, can be applied to this text. The work’s refusal to provide a clear narrative mirrors the disjointed nature of traumatic memory, which often resurfaces in fragments, disassociated from linear time. The text’s seemingly unrelated vignettes of disturbing experiences highlight this fragmentation, suggesting that trauma and repression are not easily contained or processed within the bounds of conventional language or narrative.
Additionally, the poem addresses how language and cultural symbols both expose and obscure human experiences of desire and trauma. The image of a child gripping a carousel pole, sticky from cotton candy, is particularly striking in how it conflates innocence with impending danger. Carnivals and carousels, often symbols of childhood joy, are here tinged with a darker sexual undercurrent, pointing to the intrusion of adult knowledge and predatory impulses into the realm of childhood. This collapse of boundaries suggests a Freudian reading of the poem’s themes, where the distinctions between childhood innocence and adult desire are unstable, revealing a more troubling, unconscious reality.
Moreover, the poem’s fragmented structure and shifting imagery evoke a post-structuralist critique of how language fails to capture the full complexity of human experience. The work challenges the notion that meaning can be neatly contained within social norms or linguistic structures, particularly when it comes to the taboo or unspeakable aspects of human life. The text implies that societal efforts to categorize or explain human behavior—especially in terms of innocence and guilt, desire and trauma—inevitably fall short. Instead, the poem suggests that these experiences are more fluid, existing in a liminal space where language falters and cultural distinctions break down. This mirrors the psychoanalytic idea that much of human experience exists beyond the reach of conscious articulation, driven by unconscious desires and traumas that resist simple categorization or explanation.
Ultimately, the work grapples with existential questions about the human condition, particularly the tension between what is socially acceptable and what lurks beneath the surface. The recurring theme of unspeakable desires, whether sexual or otherwise, reflects a broader discomfort with the limits of language and societal structures in addressing the more primal aspects of human existence. The poem invites the reader to confront these uncomfortable truths, exposing the fragility of societal norms and the inadequacy of language to fully contain the darker elements of human nature.
This collection of fragmented reflections and images explores profound and often disturbing aspects of human experience, such as trauma, innocence, desire, and the collapse of language as a means to convey these complexities. The fragments embody a modernist approach to poetry, reminiscent of the stream-of-consciousness technique and the fragmented poetics of T.S. Eliot or the late avant-garde. The text juxtaposes ordinary and grotesque moments, oscillating between the innocence of childhood and the disturbing forces that shape it. It reflects on the inability of language, and by extension societal norms, to fully contain or express human experiences, particularly those related to trauma, exploitation, and base desires.
The recurring motif of innocence turned grotesque suggests that trauma is a cyclical and often subliminal force passed from generation to generation. The repeated invocation of childhood innocence—juxtaposed with sexual exploitation and degradation, as seen in lines like “sexual to the molester; pure curiosity to the toddler” or the “five-year-old paid a quarter for quarter entry”—interrogates the vulnerability of the child figure within a morally ambiguous or corrupt world. The grotesque descriptions of physical bodies and behaviors—such as "ass-digging autistic child sniffs his fingers" or "the bed-head beer-drunk flipflops around her trailer park"—further underscore the dissolution of social and moral boundaries. This blurring of the sacred and profane is an exploration of what theorists like Julia Kristeva would refer to as the "abject," elements of human experience that society repels yet remains fascinated by.
The piece also confronts the inadequacies of language and thought to contain or make sense of such experiences. The phrases "aspiring—squirming—for things for which there are no words" and "desire spilling beyond the brim of vocabulary" point to the central dilemma in which language is inadequate to express certain human conditions—particularly those related to trauma, primal desires, or existential dread. In the tradition of post-structuralist thinkers like Derrida, the text suggests that the reality of human experience is mediated through, and often trapped by, language, which both reveals and conceals. Words fail to convey the depth of human suffering, desire, and existential uncertainty, yet they remain the primary vehicle for meaning-making.
Finally, the piece delves into the intergenerational transmission of trauma, particularly through familial structures and cultural norms. Whether in the abusive imagery or in subtler, more existential reflections like "baroque prose covering horrible thoughts in a purple veil," the text suggests that families, social systems, and even language serve as carriers of trauma. In this sense, it aligns with psychoanalytic and post-Freudian critiques of family dynamics, exploring the repressed violence and desires that shape human development. The seemingly innocuous act of childhood play ("the password to the pillow fort") becomes an emblem of how trauma can be encoded in memory, later emerging as "a linguistic knot of innocence and trauma."
This piece uses fragmented imagery and disjointed reflections to explore the intergenerational transmission of trauma, societal repression, and the inadequacies of language to express complex human emotions and desires. It challenges the boundaries between innocence and grotesqueness, sacred and profane, while delving into the subtle ways trauma manifests in everyday life.
trauma, innocence, repression, grotesque, language inadequacy, psychoanalysis, intergenerational trauma, societal norms, abjection, existential dread, linguistic failure
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 37)
The text is a collage of fragmented thoughts and images that traverse themes of existential angst, morality, human behavior, and the search for meaning in a seemingly indifferent universe. It presents a kaleidoscope of scenarios and reflections that collectively explore the human condition’s darker and more absurd aspects. From “tumbling a toddler in the dryer for a five-count of cruel Mississippis” to “tribesmen puzzle over whites with pocket pussies,” the text juxtaposes violent, unsettling imagery with moments of introspection and philosophical musings. This technique not only shocks the reader into a heightened state of awareness but also invites them to ponder the deeper implications of each line.
The text’s structure mirrors the chaotic and fragmented nature of human consciousness, particularly in the face of existential dread. Lines like “there is life after high school (even if you let your teacher rope you up to his bedpost)” and “suicidal thoughts upon wake up” reflect a raw confrontation with trauma and psychological struggle. Meanwhile, philosophical inquiries such as “if you did not write the novel before retirement, odds are—” and “imagine the weight of consequence if everything really did recur eternally” grapple with the nature of purpose, time, and the significance (or insignificance) of human actions.
The recurring themes of shame, denial, and a yearning for meaning run throughout the text, forming a loose but powerful thread that connects its disparate elements. The piece suggests a world where actions, beliefs, and identities are fluid, often shaped by external pressures and internal conflicts. For example, the lines “ashamed of having the illness” and “disguising your voice, ashamed to call again for helpline reassurance” delve into the human experience of vulnerability and the stigma attached to it. These feelings of inadequacy and the desire to conceal them reveal the fragility of the human psyche when confronted with its limitations.
There is also a distinct exploration of power dynamics and societal norms. The phrase “headcase superpowers injected into mere socks just because you happened to be wearing them on the occasion of what you mistook for success” captures the absurdity of perceived authority or competence based on circumstantial or arbitrary factors. Similarly, “children waking up not knowing what the screams mean” speaks to a fundamental human fear of the unknown and the inherited trauma that shapes our understanding of the world.
The text culminates in reflections on death and the desire for survival, encapsulated in lines such as “death—that plummet to the prebirth blank, to the blackless noncolor a womb sees—spooked her less than the monomania to live.” This juxtaposition of life and death, of nonexistence and the frantic desire to cling to life, underscores the existential tension at the heart of the human experience. The reference to “the casino of cosmic roulette” suggests a universe indifferent to human suffering and ambition, where life and death are merely random occurrences in a vast, unknowable expanse.
Ultimately, the piece presents a bleak yet compelling meditation on existence, filled with moments of dark humor, surreal imagery, and profound insights into the human soul’s complexities. It challenges the reader to confront uncomfortable truths about life, death, and the meaning we impose on both, all while acknowledging the inherent absurdity of these pursuits.
An exploration of existential dread, morality, and human behavior through fragmented, surreal imagery, "tumbling a toddler in the dryer for a five-count of cruel Mississippis" challenges readers to confront uncomfortable truths about life, death, and meaning.
existential angst, morality, human behavior, existential dread, surreal imagery, absurdity, power dynamics, societal norms, philosophical inquiry, trauma, human psyche, life and death, cosmic roulette, vulnerability, shame, denial, dark humor.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 36)
A fragmented meditation on the fractured and often dark realities of contemporary existence. Through a series of disjointed and seemingly unrelated images, the poem explores themes of existential despair, social decay, and the pervasive sense of loss that permeates modern life. The title suggests that these grim realities are not new phenomena brought into existence by articulation but rather enduring truths that are revealed or made visible through the act of naming.
The imagery of "hitchhiking hookers" and "seeking out broken-down cars to hitchhike next to" immediately immerses the reader in a world of transient, marginalized existence. These figures symbolize those who live on the fringes of society, perpetually in motion but without a clear direction or destination. The poem's shifting scenes—from "trying to fall asleep on concrete" to "living in the woods at the end of your old street"—reflect a sense of displacement and rootlessness, suggesting a journey not just through physical spaces but through emotional and psychological landscapes as well.
Interspersed with these vivid snapshots are reflections on the human psyche and self-perception. The lines "intellectual humility is crucial for wishful-meaning projectors / like ourselves" and "personality diagnoses floor us with their accuracy— / yes, even when randomly generated from some sham internet quiz" highlight the human tendency to search for meaning in randomness and to find profound truths in superficial or even fraudulent contexts. This underscores a broader commentary on the human condition: the constant struggle for identity, validation, and understanding in a world that often provides more questions than answers.
The poem also touches on themes of grief and trauma, particularly in the lines "knowing to stay away from your wife, / who just lost the baby, so that she may / read your distance as grief." This moment captures the complex interplay of personal pain, emotional distance, and the ways in which individuals navigate and express their suffering. Similarly, the mention of "abuse leaving you muddled as to your sexuality" speaks to the long-lasting impacts of trauma on one's identity and sense of self.
Economic and social critiques are woven throughout the poem, evident in references to "overfeeding kids with junk, to be the source of their satisfaction" and "six-digit prices for acknowledged forgeries." These lines reflect a critique of consumerism, inequality, and the commodification of both physical and emotional sustenance. The notion of "migratory skid rows" and "housing crises in the age / where the most profound events / happen within the home" further emphasizes the instability and precariousness of contemporary life, where even the concept of home is fraught with tension and uncertainty.
Ultimately, the poem offers a bleak yet poignant reflection on the myriad ways individuals cope with existential dread, societal collapse, and personal grief. The varied, sometimes jarring images combine to create a mosaic of contemporary suffering, suggesting that these struggles are interconnected and pervasive, merely "brought out of hiding" through the poem's evocative language and stark imagery.
existential despair, social decay, marginalization, trauma, grief, consumerism critique, identity struggle, commodification, contemporary suffering, displacement, psychological landscapes, social instability, rootlessness, modern existence.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 35)
The assortment of fragments presented in this sequence unfolds a kaleidoscopic view of modern human experience, from the intensely personal to the broadly societal. These pieces—strung together by themes of dissonance, memory, and the body’s visceral realities—capture the chaotic yet interconnected nature of contemporary life. The sequence oscillates between the deeply intimate, such as "the first time they met both said 'I missed you,'" and the broader, more reflective societal commentary seen in "a world approaches... where day-one friends will mock your art."
This exploration of seemingly unrelated moments and thoughts mirrors the fragmented consciousness of the digital age. The snippets delve into the often-ignored or unspoken aspects of existence—be it the brutal truth of bodily functions, the darker corners of human psychology, or the poignant reflections on love, art, and mortality. There’s a continuous tension between the banal and the profound, revealing how closely they intertwine.
The vivid, sometimes unsettling imagery forces a confrontation with the messiness of life, urging readers to look beyond the superficial and to engage with the raw, unfiltered truths of human existence. By highlighting moments like "watching pollywogs sprout legs in the jar" alongside stark phrases such as "hairy mucous-membranes—all of them," the work underscores the simultaneity of growth and decay, beauty and grotesqueness, in the human condition.
Keywords:
poetic fragments, modern human experience, societal commentary, intimate reflections, visceral imagery, digital age, consciousness, love, memory, mortality, body, human condition, grotesque beauty, contemporary poetry.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 34)
"Stir Better Angels" is a powerful collection of vivid, thought-provoking snapshots that explore the complexities of human experience, the contradictions of modern life, and the tension between instinct and societal norms. Each line serves as a meditation on the varied dimensions of existence, from the mundane to the profound, often tinged with a sense of irony or dark humor. The poem traverses themes such as depression, memory, survival, and the instincts buried beneath the comforts of contemporary living. It challenges the reader to consider how deeply ingrained behaviors and rituals—whether rooted in cultural training, survival instincts, or the necessity of routine—shape our understanding of identity and belonging.
The work also delves into the conflicts inherent in human nature, such as the struggle between following societal expectations and embracing primal instincts. It touches on the often unnoticed but significant impact of seemingly small actions and decisions on one's mental state and sense of self. The juxtaposition of trivial and significant moments serves to highlight the fragility and unpredictability of life, as well as the ways in which we cope with or avoid confronting deeper existential truths.
The poem’s structure, a series of vivid vignettes, allows for a fragmented yet cohesive exploration of these themes, each line acting as a standalone reflection while contributing to the overall narrative of human struggle, survival, and the search for meaning in a world that often feels disconnected from its own primal roots. The imagery used is both visceral and relatable, making abstract concepts tangible and emotionally resonant.
Human experience, societal norms, primal instincts, identity, routine, cultural conditioning, survival, depression, memory, existential truth, modern life, dark humor, irony, human nature, poetry, vignettes, instinctual drives, existentialism.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 33)
In this excerpt from "Made for You and Me 2017," M. A. Istvan Jr. weaves together a series of poignant and thought-provoking observations, creating a tapestry of existential reflections and societal critiques. The mosaic of imagery and themes invites readers to delve into the complexities of human experience, touching on addiction, loss, resilience, and the quest for meaning in a seemingly indifferent universe.
The opening line, "junkies, fibrotic even at the quirkiest needle sites, driveling over unspoiled vascularity," immediately sets a tone of decay and desperation. The depiction of addicts, whose bodies bear the scars of their relentless search for veins, highlights the physical and psychological toll of addiction. The reference to "unspoiled vascularity" underscores a yearning for purity and normalcy, a stark contrast to their current state of degradation.
This theme of destruction extends to the natural world with "one’s birth tree choked out by disease." Here, Istvan juxtaposes the personal and the ecological, suggesting a parallel between the corruption of the body and the demise of nature. The imagery of a tree, a symbol of life and growth, succumbing to disease, evokes a sense of inevitable decline that pervades the poem.
The recurring motif of animals and their behaviors serves as a metaphor for human tendencies. "Dogs returning to their vomit" and "preferring the known of misery over the unknown of change" reflect a profound commentary on the human condition. These lines suggest a proclivity to cling to familiar suffering rather than embrace the uncertainty of transformation. The reference to scientists "popping corks in the atomic glow" adds a layer of irony, highlighting the dissonance between scientific celebration and the potential for catastrophic consequences, underscoring the tension between progress and ethical responsibility.
Istvan's exploration of identity and transformation continues with the image of "Brenda’s Adam’s apple in the morning florescence of the hotel bathroom." This line poignantly captures the vulnerability and complexity of gender identity, hinting at the personal struggles and societal judgments faced by those who do not conform to traditional norms. The morning light, often symbolic of new beginnings, here illuminates the ongoing challenges of self-acceptance and societal perception.
The poet's contemplation of mortality and language is evident in the lines, "although we use it each day (and casually), our behavior shows that we find 'dying' to be the most vile word in the language." This reflection on the aversion to death, despite its inevitability, highlights the paradoxical nature of human existence. The subsequent image of an infant, "unkindled to laughter by the faces meant to make it laugh," delving into reflective curiosity, underscores the innate human tendency towards introspection and the search for meaning, even from an early age.
The poem further examines the aftermath of triumph with "is that regular mode of life following a great victory a chance to reflect and reenergize, or one to wonder why you did not simply kill yourself in the climax?" This line starkly portrays the existential void that can follow significant achievements, questioning the purpose and fulfillment derived from success. The image of wearing a "photo-mask of mom so the orphan will feed from the bottle" evokes themes of deception and survival, illustrating the lengths to which individuals go to nurture and sustain life in the face of loss.
Istvan's meditation on generational trauma is evident in "traumas transmuting across generations without deliberate effort," suggesting the pervasive and enduring impact of past wounds on present and future lives. This notion of inherited pain resonates with the subsequent lines on the absurdity of human desires and the search for spiritual enlightenment, emphasizing the cyclical and often futile nature of these pursuits.
The poem concludes with a reflection on the self and the impossibility of fully transcending one's identity. "Religions that ask a given self to discover its own nonexistence ask the impossible of that self" encapsulates the tension between spiritual aspirations and the inherent limitations of human consciousness.
Istvan's "Made for You and Me 2017" is a profound exploration of human frailty, resilience, and the relentless quest for meaning amidst the chaos of existence. Through vivid imagery and poignant reflections, the poet invites readers to confront the darkest and most vulnerable aspects of their own humanity.
M. A. Istvan Jr., Made for You and Me 2017, existential reflections, addiction, identity, resilience, human experience, quest for meaning, societal critique, vivid imagery, poetry, generational trauma, spiritual enlightenment, human frailty, philosophical poetry.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 32)
"Squat-crapping on the fanned-out covers of outdated Time at the doctor’s office," a selection from Michael Anthony Istvan Jr.'s "Made for You and Me 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017—part 31)," continues the poet's exploration of contemporary existentialism and societal critiques through fragmented, vivid imagery and darkly humorous vignettes. This section encapsulates a mosaic of human experience, juxtaposing the mundane with the absurd, and the sacred with the profane, to create a disjointed yet profound commentary on modern life.
Istvan’s poem opens with the stark image of "squat-crapping on the fanned-out covers of outdated Time at the doctor’s office," setting a tone of irreverence and decay. This visceral image is mirrored later by "ball-dangling defecation on the chemo center’s magazine table of polite fictions," reinforcing a sense of bodily degradation in spaces meant for healing. These images challenge the reader to confront the raw, unfiltered aspects of human existence that are often sanitized in polite society.
The poet questions the efficacy of collective prayer with "does God better hear a prayer when launched from an entire parish?" This line prompts reflection on the nature of faith and communal belief, juxtaposed with the chaos and fragmentation depicted in other parts of the poem. The imagery of "a flash unbuckle blasts diarrhea at the waiting-room bead maze, children slack jawed" further underscores the juxtaposition between innocence and grotesque reality.
Themes of memory and loss permeate the poem, as seen in "realizing that you are starting to forget what she looked like" and "reading the personal anchors she left behind— / lotion, a brush full of tangles—not as snakeskin, / but as promises that she will come back home." These lines convey the poignancy of holding onto memories and the personal items of loved ones, evoking a deep sense of longing and the passage of time.
The poem also delves into philosophical and psychological musings, such as "it is question begging to say that when the materialist reduces Susan’s pain— / reduces it not just to anybody’s complex of neurophysiology but to Susan’s— / he fails to capture the qualia of her pain, the first-person what-it-is-like-for-her." This reflection on the nature of pain and subjective experience challenges materialist perspectives and invites readers to consider the limitations of empirical understanding.
Istvan continues to weave together disparate elements of modern life, from the absurdity of "motorcycle club patches, and the process of sewing them on" to the critique of consumerism in "Gucci bags over homeless legs." These images serve as commentary on identity, social status, and the often superficial ways we define ourselves and others.
The poem also touches on themes of vulnerability and exploitation, with lines like "not exploiting her vulnerability—his aikido style of exploitation" and "bared-throat defenselessness is itself a defense, / ironclad, around those whose honor (or desire / to signal honor) blocks them from exploiting it." These observations highlight the complex dynamics of power and protection in human relationships.
In "bits of steel from the fallen towers given out as gifts," Istvan reflects on the commodification of tragedy and the ways in which we memorialize and commercialize collective trauma. This theme is echoed in "coffins afloat down city streets," a haunting image that speaks to the pervasive presence of death and the ways it infiltrates everyday life.
Through "Squat-crapping on the fanned-out covers of outdated Time at the doctor’s office," Istvan masterfully captures the fragmented, often contradictory nature of contemporary existence. His use of stark, evocative imagery and philosophical reflections invites readers to engage deeply with the complexities of modern life, confronting both its absurdities and its profound moments of human experience.
existentialism, contemporary poetry, Michael Anthony Istvan Jr., modern life critique, vivid imagery, fragmented narrative, bodily degradation, communal faith, memory and loss, subjective experience, materialism critique, social commentary, vulnerability and exploitation, commodification of tragedy, human experience, philosophical reflections.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 31)
In "Kudzu Vines of Cult Indoctrination," a segment from the larger mosaic poem "MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017—part 31)," the poet navigates a labyrinth of modern existential dilemmas and societal critiques. This passage encapsulates the fragmentation and complexity of contemporary life through a series of vivid, often unsettling images that provoke reflection on themes of identity, societal norms, and the human condition.
The opening metaphor of "kudzu vines of cult indoctrination strangling gardens of parental investment" sets the tone for the poem. Kudzu, an invasive species known for its rapid and uncontrollable spread, symbolizes the pervasive and destructive nature of cult-like ideologies. These ideologies suffocate the carefully nurtured values and investments of parents, illustrating a struggle between individual upbringing and overpowering external influences. This metaphor resonates with the anxiety of losing control over one's cultural and moral legacy to more aggressive, external forces.
The following line, "reviving someone only to beat the shit out of them," presents a stark and brutal image. This line conveys a sense of cyclical violence and futility, highlighting the cruelty of giving life only to inflict pain. It reflects a deeper commentary on societal practices that ostensibly aim to help or heal but end up perpetuating harm.
"The furry pause between teen identities seems more pregnant than ever" captures the liminality and turbulence of adolescence. The "furry pause" suggests a moment of softness and uncertainty, a transitional phase laden with potential and anxiety. This period is described as "pregnant," emphasizing its significance and the myriad possibilities it holds for personal growth and identity formation.
"Toes curled away from the cold tile of dawn footsteps" evokes a visceral reaction to discomfort and fear. The image of curling toes in response to cold tiles at dawn suggests a reluctance to face the harsh realities of the new day, symbolizing a broader hesitation to confront uncomfortable truths or challenges.
The poem continues with "wondering whether you were liked because of your race or in spite of it," touching on the complex and often painful considerations of racial identity and acceptance. This line underscores the internal conflict and self-doubt experienced by individuals navigating racially charged environments, where acceptance may be conditional or superficial.
"Illegal to eat a swan—nasty, ornery, source of coronation down—in a land of famine" juxtaposes luxury and necessity, highlighting societal contradictions. The swan, a symbol of beauty and nobility, is protected even in times of extreme scarcity, suggesting misplaced priorities and the absurdities of legal and social norms.
The passage also delves into the dynamics of heroism and resistance with "struggling, real hard, to resist the fatalistic tug of his groomer-camp-counselor look." This line portrays the inner battle against predestined roles or manipulative influences, emphasizing the effort required to maintain autonomy and resist external pressures.
"Dramatic dying, even if tamer than grenade-leaping heroism (even if no more than shunning hospice’s morphined stupor), is—like free-range kids popping wheelies on knee-bloody bikes beyond screens—safeguarded, for now, by the grubby poor" contrasts different forms of valor and the socio-economic factors that preserve certain freedoms. It suggests that genuine, everyday acts of defiance and resilience are often preserved by those living on society's margins.
The poem critiques superficial judgments with "criticized for having subjects too posed even though poses reveal something about them." It acknowledges the value in seemingly artificial presentations, suggesting that poses can convey deeper truths about individuals.
Through lines like "imagine if we did the NBA like we do now our colleges: Team USA competitiveness plunging—China’s prayers answered—as we chase the jungle’s standard of diversity," the poem satirizes contemporary approaches to diversity and inclusion, questioning their impact on merit and excellence.
The final stanzas delve into personal and societal decay, with images of "prison hospice," "cursory editing of old work so as to get to new work," and "the urge to sew together identical twins." These lines evoke a sense of deterioration and the desperate, often absurd attempts to find meaning or connection in a fragmented world.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 30)
Michael Anthony Istvan Jr.'s "Made for You and Me 2017" weaves together fragments that capture the stark realities of human existence, exploring themes of death, love, memory, and societal change. This sequence of poetic vignettes provides a multifaceted look at the struggles and intricacies of contemporary life, offering deep reflections through brief, potent lines.
The opening phrase "depression tartar" conjures an image of persistent, uncleanable residue, symbolizing the lingering, often unnoticed effects of depression. This imagery sets a somber tone, echoed in the subsequent vignette about staying "behind the camera in order not to participate," which speaks to a desire to avoid engaging directly with life, a theme common in modern existential angst.
The line "your former F-student, your nurse as you battle to live" suggests the circular nature of life and the unexpected roles people come to play in each other's lives. This theme of reversal and interconnectedness is poignant, hinting at redemption and the unforeseen dependencies that shape our existence.
Avoiding cliché while seeking beauty is a recurring struggle in art and life, as captured by "avoiding cliché at the expense of beauty." It highlights the tension between originality and the inherent appeal of familiar, beautiful things. Similarly, "the secret guilt of medical professionals" unveils the hidden emotional burdens carried by those in caregiving professions, who often grapple with their limitations and the impact of their work on human lives.
The vignette about using "comedy to defuse an attack and uplift the dying" underscores the power of humor as a coping mechanism and a source of comfort amidst suffering. This is a reminder of the multifaceted role comedy plays in human resilience.
"Startled to find him looking so different than he had in life" touches on the shock of encountering death, where the physical transformation underscores the finality of life and the disconnect between memory and reality. The ongoing visit to a grave, as described, reflects the enduring nature of love and remembrance, even when it seems no one else cares.
The complexity of human interaction is captured in the vignette about laughter and the fear of missing a joke, illustrating social anxiety and the delicate dance of fitting in. The transition from a heartbeat to a "heart tick—one too loud in bed" evokes the intrusive nature of health issues, disrupting the intimacy of sleep and the comfort of silence.
Watching a loved one sleep while contemplating potential heartbreak speaks to the vulnerability inherent in love, where deep affection is always shadowed by the fear of loss. This idea of impending loss permeates the imagery of "clawing at earth" against the inevitable pull of graves, symbolizing the human struggle against mortality.
The sequence also critiques societal norms and the superficiality of achievements, as seen in "no nest eggs under our diplomas," which juxtaposes the ephemeral nature of academic success against the lasting impact of high-school sports feats. The cyclical nature of moving and memory is poignantly captured in "every U-Haul move exhumes a mess of memories," a reflection on how physical dislocation often triggers emotional recollection.
Daily realities, like "bath-towel scarves" and "layers poking out from flannel cuffs," ground the poem in the tactile, mundane aspects of life, while more intense moments, such as being "punched around by your spouse the night before the start of a new job," reveal the darker undercurrents of personal relationships.
The fear of red lights in certain neighborhoods speaks to the constant threat of violence and the socio-economic divides that create pockets of insecurity. The vignette about love not turning out well for many underscores the disillusionment that accompanies failed relationships, despite initial optimism.
The reconciliation attempts with old friends, who have already forgiven, illustrate the passage of time and the differing paces at which people move on from past hurts. This theme of reconnection is echoed in the scene where "wisps of snow enter with the booted man," blending the cold outside world with the warmth of human interaction.
The image of women balancing bundles on their heads while enlivening their work with competition reveals the resilience and ingenuity of people in the face of monotonous tasks. This is contrasted with the mechanical nature of "drum-machine music," reflecting a societal shift towards automation and the loss of human nuance.
Finally, the poem anticipates a dystopian future where political outrage leads to severe consequences, including the suppression of art and free expression. This chilling prediction underscores the fragility of civil liberties in times of societal upheaval.
Michael Anthony Istvan Jr., Made for You and Me 2017, contemporary poetry, existential angst, societal critique, human resilience, memory, love, mortality, human interaction, poetic imagery, societal change, interpersonal relationships, redemption, humor in suffering, fragility of civil liberties.
MADE FOR YOU AND ME 2: hive Being (Stanzas 2017--part 29)
In "Shoot me, nigga: I wanna live in your fuckin head forever!," M. A. Istvan Jr. crafts a mosaic of stark, thought-provoking stanzas that traverse the landscape of modern human experience, delving into themes of identity, memory, and societal decay. The fragmented narrative captures a series of intense, often disturbing snapshots that challenge readers to confront uncomfortable truths about contemporary life and the human condition.
The opening line, "Shoot me, nigga: I wanna live in your fuckin head forever!" immediately grabs attention with its raw, provocative imagery, suggesting a desire for lasting impact and a fear of being forgotten. This yearning for permanence and the struggle against erasure permeates the entire sequence, reflecting broader anxieties about identity and legacy in a transient world.
Istvan's exploration of memory and legacy is evident in the lines about degrees rescinded due to atrocities later committed, highlighting the fragility of reputation and the harsh judgment of history. The poet delves into the complexities of personal interactions, from accusations of pulling away too quickly from a hug to the cynical observation that "crows will chase squirrels into the roadkill lane—that smart," illustrating the often ruthless nature of both human and animal behavior.
The sequence also addresses societal issues, such as the rigid gender norms in "a land where tomboys must really be boys then," and the chilling image of "sewage shallow enough now to wade through for bodies of family," which starkly portrays the aftermath of disaster and the search for lost loved ones. These lines underscore the pervasive sense of loss and the struggle to maintain connections in a fragmented world.
Istvan's keen observation of human behavior extends to the professional sphere, where "hatred for this president could result in unsafe-optic professors stripped of degrees." This line, alongside the depiction of professors grading papers in their cars due to encroaching poverty, underscores the precariousness of academic and intellectual life in contemporary society.
The poem's middle section, featuring lines like "clocks ticking and walls closing, you need to get her out so you can poop and have peace," juxtaposes mundane personal concerns with larger existential anxieties, blending the trivial with the profound. This interplay continues with reflections on historical memory and cultural artifacts, where "the museum curator, unable to face his shadow, convinced himself the artifact was cursed."
Themes of social inequality and isolation are woven throughout the poem, as seen in the lines about poverty creeping into academia and the imagined future anthropologists sifting through our digital archives, misinterpreting our online presence as religious totems. This portrayal of our digital legacy raises questions about the meaning and permanence of our digital footprints in an increasingly transient world.
Istvan's poetic voice also touches on the challenges of maintaining family connections amidst economic hardship, as "between family members long-separated, filling the silence takes time and energy, and so the poorest are less likely to reach out." This observation poignantly highlights the emotional and logistical barriers that economic struggles impose on familial bonds.
The poem concludes with a reflection on the human need for validation and belonging, as seen in "that urge to prove one’s belonging to whatever group it may seem to advantage one to belong to," and the poignant image of a dark girl in a white grade-school acting as a note-passer between crushes. This final image encapsulates the overarching theme of navigating identity and connection within a societal framework often defined by superficial judgments and deep-seated biases.
M. A. Istvan Jr., poem, identity, memory, societal decay, contemporary life, legacy, human connection, academic life, gender norms, digital legacy, social inequality, family connections, economic hardship, validation, belonging, modern experience, provocative imagery, fragmented narrative.
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Don’t let anyone tell you that real life is lacking in poetic interest. This is exactly what the poet is for: he has the mind and the imagination to find something of interest in everyday things. Real life supplies the motifs, the points that need to be said—the actual heart of the matter; but it is the poet’s job to fashion it all into a beautiful, animated whole. You are familiar with Fürnstein, the so-called “nature poet”? He has written a poem about growing hops, and you couldn’t imagine anything nicer. I have now asked him to write some poems celebrating the work of skilled artisans, in particular weavers, and I am quite sure he will succeed; he has lived among such people from an early age, he knows the subject inside out, and will be in full command of his material. That is the advantage of small works: you need only choose subjects that you know and have at your command. With a longer poetic work, however, this is not possible. There is no way around it: all the different threads that tie the whole thing together, and are woven into the design, have to be shown in accurate detail. Young people only have a one-sided view of things, whereas a longer work requires a multiplicity of viewpoints—and that’s where they come unstuck.—Goethe (Conversations with Eckermann)
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