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Having studied them, he must be aware that Shakespeare has already exhausted the whole of human nature in all its tendencies, in all its heights and depths, and that, in fact, there remains for him, the aftercomer, nothing more to do. And how could one get courage only to put pen to paper, if one were conscious in an earnest appreciating spirit, that such unfathomable and unattainable excellences were already in existence! . . . Had I earlier known how many excellent things have been in existence for hundreds and thousands of years, I should not have written a line, but should have done something else.—Goethe (Conversations with Eckermann)
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The Printout is a vivid, emotionally charged narrative that plunges the reader into the frantic, anxiety-ridden world of a latchkey adolescent. The poem meticulously chronicles the boy’s desperate attempts to cover up evidence of his secret, deviant activities before his mother’s inevitable return, capturing both his internal turmoil and the oppressive atmosphere of his home.
The opening lines set the tone of urgency and fear: "It was a heart-pounding last-minute scramble— / a dance the barely-teen latchkey knew by heart." This immediately draws the reader into the boy’s routine of hiding his transgressions, indicating that this is a familiar, albeit distressing, ritual.
The boy’s actions are described with a stark, almost clinical precision: "He washed his lather-proof hand (over dishes) / as best he could, his pelvic floor still echoing." The mention of his "pelvic floor still echoing" suggests recent masturbation, adding to the sense of guilt and shame. The detailed hiding of various incriminating items—petroleum jelly, a makeshift masturbatory device, and skid-stained panties—paints a picture of a young boy grappling with his burgeoning sexuality in isolation and fear.
The imagery of "rocks in its radon walls like eyes" and "curtain shadows ghostly on wood-panel walls" evokes a sense of surveillance and paranoia, as if the house itself is judging him. This feeling is compounded by the anticipation of his mother’s arrival, marked by the "door slam / reverberating through the uninsulated hollows."
The poem’s climax centers around the titular printout, an inkjet image of a pornographic nature that the boy had used moments before: "Smackdab on the living room carpet, / in the traffic-worn path, lay an inkjet image— / washed out from a cartridge low on black, / too yellow from an empty cyan—pixilated / on printer paper: black thighs, spread-eagle." The boy’s meticulous efforts to conceal his actions are rendered futile by this overlooked detail, which his mother discovers with horror.
The mother's reaction—"What the fuck is this?!"—heightens the tension, her repeated exclamations underscoring the shock and disgust she feels. The boy's simultaneous dread and curiosity are palpable: "Yet by the time he reached the cold doorknob, / confident there was no way he failed to cover / every taboo track, he found himself possessed / more so by a twisted curiosity to learn, that if / by some crazy chance he had been found out, / what damning detail he could have missed."
The final lines of the poem convey the boy’s paralysis and fear: "she thrust the gleaming gorgon head (half-balled) / out in his direction (arm’s length), turning him / to stone in the ramshackle threshold, his expiry / dribbling coagulated to black waitress sneakers." The "gleaming gorgon head" metaphorically transforms the printout into a Medusa-like figure, turning the boy to stone with its damning revelation. The imagery of his "expiry / dribbling coagulated to black waitress sneakers" suggests both his psychological death and the physical evidence of his shame.
The Printout masterfully explores themes of secrecy, shame, and the complexities of adolescent sexuality. Through its detailed narrative and rich imagery, the poem captures the intense emotions of a young boy caught between his private desires and the harsh judgment of the outside world.
In "AA Meeting," M. A. Istvan Jr. captures the raw, unfiltered experience of a struggling individual at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, portraying the intensity and fragility of early sobriety. The poem opens with the vivid image of a hand fidgeting with "metallic ratatats," a metaphor that evokes the nervous energy and inner turmoil of someone wrestling with addiction. This hand, described as "too broken, too shifty in accent," symbolizes the fragmented and unstable state of the individual, whose mind is likened to "the brainstem wall scrabblings of a feral cat in a drown barrel." This powerful metaphor not only conveys a sense of desperation and entrapment but also the chaotic and primal instincts driving the addict's behavior.
The setting of the poem, a church basement, is significant as it underscores the solemnity and communal aspect of AA meetings, where individuals seek solace and support. The "knuckle staccato" shaking the basement suggests the pervasive anxiety and restlessness within the group, a shared struggle that is both individual and collective. The speaker's scowl, directed leftward, reflects a silent plea for connection or understanding, one that is met with desolation, highlighting the isolation often felt by those battling addiction.
The pivotal moment in the poem occurs on the speaker's seventh day of sobriety, a time when the temptation to relapse is particularly strong. The speaker's hand, in an almost involuntary act, reaches out to still the "whacko rudiments" of the fidgeting hand. This gesture of human connection, though seemingly small, carries profound significance. The physical touch not only steadies the fidgeting hand but also provides a grounding moment for the speaker, who finds an unexpected strength in this act of solidarity.
The convergence of eyes within the circle upon this touch signifies a collective acknowledgment and support, a crucial aspect of the AA community. The speaker, initially tempted to use this moment as an "excuse to go home, to mainline oblivion," instead finds the strength to remain present. The fact that the fidgeting hand does not pull away, but rather holds the speaker's hand throughout the session, symbolizes mutual support and a shared commitment to recovery. This touch, "faithful" and unwavering, becomes the catalyst for the speaker to speak for the first time, breaking through the barrier of silence and isolation.
Istvan's poem poignantly captures the delicate balance between despair and hope, illustrating how small acts of human connection can provide the strength needed to overcome the urge to relapse. The depiction of the AA meeting, with its raw and visceral imagery, offers a powerful testament to the resilience of individuals in recovery and the importance of community in the journey toward sobriety.
M. A. Istvan Jr., AA Meeting, addiction recovery, early sobriety, human connection, Alcoholics Anonymous, support group, raw experience, vivid imagery, metaphor, resilience, community, addiction struggle, poetic exploration, recovery journey.
Michael Anthony Istvan Jr.'s poem "On the Forest Trail" offers a harrowing exploration of memory, guilt, and moral corruption through the narrator’s troubled relationship with a mentally impaired girl from his past. The poem, divided into three sections, meticulously unveils layers of darkness and complexity, reflecting Istvan's deep engagement with the themes of exploitation and psychological trauma.
The first section immerses the reader in a series of grotesque and vivid images that delineate the girl’s existence. Her compulsive hoarding and secretive consumption of Tootsie Rolls in hidden, filthy nooks reflect a desperate search for comfort in an environment marked by neglect and decay. Istvan’s language is stark and unflinching, describing the girl’s hiding places under a urine-soaked mattress, within a closet contaminated with cat excrement, and in a drainpipe near a bus stop. These settings, alongside the girl's physical description—her bull-necked frame, her scissored bangs, and cross-eyed glare—construct a portrait of someone marginalized and dehumanized. The narrator's detailed observations hint at a voyeuristic fascination, compounded by an underlying sense of complicity and guilt.
Transitioning to the forest trail in the second section, Istvan juxtaposes the girl's primal existence with the narrator's more complex and morally ambiguous feelings. The forest trail becomes a setting where the narrator momentarily escapes societal norms, finding a perverse solace in the girl’s presence. She is depicted as almost elemental, an embodiment of pure, unfiltered existence. This stark contrast to the narrator's internal turmoil highlights his envy of her simplicity and unawareness. However, the narrative quickly takes a darker turn as the narrator describes his sexual exploitation of the girl with brutal honesty. The explicit details serve to underscore the depth of his moral depravity and the girl's complete vulnerability.
The final section of the poem confronts the lasting impact of these experiences on the narrator. The image of the girl's oversized, neon windbreaker becomes a powerful symbol of his unresolved guilt and the omnipresent weight of his past actions. This piece of clothing, with its faded vibrancy, haunts the narrator throughout his life, intruding into his domestic and professional spaces. It represents the inescapable nature of his moral failings and the enduring presence of his guilt. The narrator’s reflection on his actions reveals a profound self-recrimination, acknowledging his cowardice and the priority he gave to societal perception over genuine care and responsibility.
Istvan’s "On the Forest Trail" is a potent exploration of the darker aspects of human nature, forcing readers to confront uncomfortable truths about exploitation, guilt, and the long-term consequences of our actions. The poem's unflinching language and vivid imagery create a compelling narrative that challenges readers to grapple with the complexity of moral decay and psychological trauma.
Keywords:
Michael Anthony Istvan Jr., On the Forest Trail, memory, guilt, moral corruption, mental impairment, exploitation, vivid imagery, grotesque imagery, neglect, psychological trauma, voyeurism, forest trail, primal existence, sexual exploitation, haunting past, neon windbreaker, unresolved guilt, self-recrimination, human nature, moral decay.
**Jelly High** is a reflective poem that captures the interplay of youthful rebellion, the mundane rituals of late-night snacking, and the subtle dynamics of family tension. Through its vivid and candid narrative, the poem explores the speaker’s attempts to navigate the complexities of adolescence under the watchful eyes of parental figures.
The poem opens with the speaker recounting their nightly routine as a teenager, coming home "blown from the flat-brown weed of Chamber’s Street." This sets the scene of youthful experimentation and the desire for solitude and comfort in familiar routines. The choice of "midnight PB and J" sandwiches signifies a return to simple pleasures and childhood comforts, juxtaposed with the speaker's altered state.
The presence of the mother’s room "right at the kitchen" introduces a layer of tension. The speaker describes "clench[ing] through the sound of breaking the fridge’s sticky-gasket seal," illustrating a careful, almost stealthy approach to avoid detection. This tension is further emphasized by the effort to "minimize open-door light time," highlighting the speaker’s awareness of their mother's proximity and the potential for conflict.
In the dark kitchen, the act of preparing a sandwich becomes a moment of self-assuredness and secretive joy. The speaker’s internal monologue, "I’m fuckin’ rockin’ this!" reflects a sense of pride in their covert culinary skills. The "secret beat" that accompanies the process suggests a private rhythm and escape, a fleeting moment of control and grace amid the constraints of their environment. The concern over "beatboxing it" underscores the paranoia and heightened sensitivity typical of being high.
The poem takes a turn with the morning aftermath, where the speaker wakes to their mother's anger about "jelly down the counter cabinets." This recurring issue raises the speaker’s suspicions about their stepfather possibly "fucking with" them, introducing an element of familial mistrust and unease. The meticulous effort to clean up "even when, as usual, all was already clear" reveals a desire to avoid confrontation and maintain a semblance of order, despite the underlying chaos.
In summary, **Jelly High** poignantly captures the adolescent struggle for autonomy and the complexities of family relationships. Through the lens of a nightly ritual, the poem reveals the tension between rebellion and the yearning for comfort, set against the backdrop of a household fraught with unspoken rules and subtle power dynamics.
She wash-clothed her goosey region and burst
for the kitchen to quiet the hunger barks
so as not to get shit about chores undone.
Bent into the cupboard, she was scooping kibble
when the pit-bull terrier ran its snout just right
into the nude spread of her teensy rear.
The cold of the pink nose shocked her system.
“Like it, Tricks?” she asked, rising around.
Ear stiff, the dog tilted its head and barked once.
“Got it good, see?” were her mons-jutted words
as she parted lips blue-vein pale, unveiling
the same pink that edged the dog’s mouth.
She was caught up inspecting for herself
when Tricks stole a lap. “Hey there mister!
What do you think you’re doing with that?”
But the menthol cold cream for the shave
had her much more hot and bothered, apulse,
than the old conditioner approach. Possessed,
and pearly papillae enflamed as they become
on a starving tongue tasting pomegranate,
she clawed out a glob of chunky peanut butter
and slathered it into rosebud holes, muting
the icy burn. Missionary on cold terrazzo tile,
she took the cleaning by the tropical tongue,
aware of the deep buzz within of ovulation.
Her blonde head fell hard on the floor. Dizzy,
she gave in to the mons feast of slobber.
Along with the sheer taboo of the act
and that parents were due home any minute,
not tensing against the risk of being bitten
made the pulsing pleasure overwhelming.
Galloping out of her pelvic-thrusting body,
she slapped on more and more of the chunk
in a frenzy that triggered frenzy in Tricks
(thought by the household too dumb to learn any).
Black nails untrimmed swelling the cold space
with slipping clicks, the dog snap-snapped at spray
with the chomps of hose play, those throaty sounds
of the Hebrew Chaim: “Hahyim, Hahyim, Hayhim.”
**Tribular** is a stark and gritty exploration of the lives of the poor in a decaying urban environment. Through vivid and often harsh imagery, the poem paints a portrait of a community struggling with poverty, neglect, and societal disdain. The poem's tone is unflinchingly honest, capturing the raw reality of life in a place where survival is a daily challenge.
The poem begins with a direct address, situating the reader in a city characterized by its disadvantaged population—BOCES students and middle-school dropouts. The imagery of "rocket-thrusting" suggests a frenetic, desperate energy driving the inhabitants. The focus shifts to the poor, depicted as marginalized and overlooked, their presence a stark contrast to the downtown areas undergoing hipster-led gentrification.
The water imagery is particularly striking, with well-water described as "crimson" and flammable, highlighting the hazardous living conditions. This dangerous water becomes a point of pride, a macabre joke in a place where humor serves as a coping mechanism. The kerosene heaters and tock-tocking buckets paint a picture of makeshift, precarious living arrangements, while the description of utility-grade bacon in white cartons emphasizes the low quality of available food.
Pride and defiance emerge as themes, with the poor boasting not just about their hardships but also about their ability to read, steal, and fight. Their struggle with literacy is depicted with a touch of irony, as they attempt to read words like "hickory smoked" with a mix of determination and humor. This struggle is a metaphor for their broader fight for dignity and recognition.
The poem delves into the physical and social ramifications of poverty. The inhabitants' health issues—rickets, lead exposure, obesity, warts, retardation, and flu—are laid bare, illustrating the toll that poverty takes on the body and mind. The image of "teen diarrheas from diaper to hair" conveys the squalor and lack of sanitation in their living conditions.
Despite the grim circumstances, the poem highlights a sense of community and loyalty. Friends and family members are brought into their homes, regardless of the strain it puts on already limited resources. This tribalism, though post-industrial and tainted by the smell of bleach and shit, offers a semblance of support and solidarity.
The poem concludes with a personal touch, describing visits from the narrator's mother. Her act of giving the narrator an old blanket, used by those in dire conditions, symbolizes the persistence of familial bonds and care even in the face of overwhelming adversity.
In summary, **Tribular** is a powerful and unflinching examination of poverty and resilience. Through its vivid, often brutal imagery, the poem captures the harsh realities of life on the margins, while also acknowledging the strength and defiance of those who endure it.
**Bloodworms** is a vivid and unsettling exploration of a father-son relationship set against the backdrop of a fishing trip during striper season on the Hudson River in the early nineties. The poem delves into themes of fear, masculinity, and the transmission of skills and expectations from parent to child, all while painting a detailed and visceral picture of the fishing experience.
The poem opens with a scene of contrast: the tranquil setting of the Hudson River juxtaposed with the toxicity warnings for fish caught north of the Tappan Zee. The father, described as "bareback-sloshed with beer and sun," embodies a rugged, carefree attitude towards life and its dangers. His deep-sea pole and the act of fishing for food despite health warnings underscore his disregard for caution and perhaps a need to provide in the most direct way possible.
The task of baiting the hook with bloodworms falls to the speaker, a young child at the time, who is "too little to do much more than pass" and "too afraid to dig" through the unsettling contents of the worm carton. The description of the bloodworms—"seven-inch aggressive: venom-fanged, a band of pulsing skin tags down each side"—is both graphic and menacing, highlighting the child's fear and the grotesque nature of the task.
The father's casual question, "Wanna try baitin’ the bitch?", is loaded with implicit expectations. His delivery, meant to make the task seem simple, only serves to underscore the command inherent in his question. The father knows his son well enough to anticipate his fear and hesitation. He leaves the boy "nerve-racked, just a moment," before demonstrating the ease with which he handles the worms, a subtle way of teaching through example while also asserting his own capability and toughness.
The father's method of baiting the hook is described in meticulous, almost clinical detail. He squeezes the worm to protract its "eversible proboscis" and allows its fangs to pierce his finger. This act, almost ritualistic, serves as a moment of bonding and a demonstration of the father's toughness. The imagery of the worm's blood, "the color of ours," pooling in the creases of his hands and dripping to the rocks, creates a visceral connection between the human and the non-human, the father and the son, the mundane and the grotesque.
In summary, **Bloodworms** captures the complexity of a father-son relationship through the lens of a fishing trip. The poem explores themes of fear, expectation, and masculinity, set against a richly detailed backdrop that brings the reader into the heart of the experience. The vivid imagery and emotional undercurrents make it a powerful and evocative piece.
**Air Brakes** poignantly captures a fleeting moment of parental observation and connection as a child transitions from home to the outside world. The poem evokes themes of growth, separation, and the enduring bond between parent and child, set against the everyday backdrop of a school bus ride.
The opening line, "Soon he will trudge up the steps of the school bus," immediately places the reader in a familiar yet emotionally charged setting. The word "trudge" suggests a sense of routine and reluctance, hinting at the child's mixed feelings about leaving the safety of home. The phrase "thinking perhaps nothing of me" introduces a bittersweet note, reflecting the parent's awareness of the child's growing independence and the inevitable distancing that comes with it.
Despite this impending separation, the child remains "so tender, still so tethered to my side," illustrating the deep emotional connection that persists even when the child is "mad at me or just moody that morning." This acknowledgment of the child's fluctuating emotions highlights the parent's understanding and acceptance of these moods as part of their bond.
The poem's focus then shifts to a specific action: the child taking a window seat. This choice of seating, "where I can see him in profile from the doorstep," becomes a symbolic act of connection. The window seat allows the parent to maintain a visual link with the child, emphasizing the significance of these small, everyday gestures in preserving their relationship.
The imagery of the child's eyes "just barely perceptible through the tint" underlines the theme of partial separation and the subtle ways in which the child remains connected to the parent. The child's glance, cutting toward the parent's eyes "at the lunging hiss of the air brakes," serves as a powerful, almost instinctive moment of acknowledgment. This brief eye contact, framed by the sound of the air brakes, encapsulates the enduring connection between parent and child amidst the backdrop of their daily routine.
In summary, **Air Brakes** is a touching reflection on the subtle yet profound moments of connection between a parent and child as they navigate the transitions of growing up. The poem captures the tenderness and complexity of these interactions with evocative imagery and emotional depth, making it a resonant and poignant piece.
Yorkies
Through cage bars these rodents watch me/
suck marrow from chicken bones. How many/
must be overtaken by that clenching urge/
to torment such pathetics—swooned//
by the thought of lowering them, cages/
rock-weighted, yapping into the sea./
Yet so many do only what they can—/
just enough to keep on with their lives://
jab-jab jabbing at them with fork,/
with butter knife, steak knife—face/
redder with each thrust thwarted/
by bars, by slippings of the jab;//
feeding them a few grapes or raisins,/
pepper sauce and vodka—dry kibble/
merely sniffed before being dumped/
in the woods for the sake of the wife;//
running them, mere leash weights,/
through brambles—so insistent upon/
continuous top speed that the leashes,/
their loop handles, strip finger creases;//
screeching the SUV to a rocking halt/
a few sweet houses down—those rats,/
fake-forgotten, having been bumper-tied/
while packing for the family outing;//
crush-rubbing the little one’s face,/
black bangs over its pathetic eyes,/
too hard too quick into the tile/
of urine and shit—oscillation blur;//
hammer-throwing that same little one/
over the house—the leash windup/
drawn-out for centrifugal torture/
in the heart-pounding secret of night.
"Were Art Other to Nature, Might Holes Link Them (More Purely than Gardens)?" is a reflective exploration of the concept of holes and their multifaceted implications. The poem uses the simple and relatable example of a bagel to delve into profound philosophical questions about existence,
The poem begins with a seemingly mundane question: "What is a bagel without a hole?" This question sets the stage for a deeper investigation into the nature of holes and their significance. Comparing a bagel without a hole to "a shade of yellow without extension" or "a whale call without duration" illustrates how intrinsic the hole is to the identity of a bagel. This sets up the idea that a hole, although it doesn't provide physical substance or nourishment, is an essential aspect of the bagel's existence.
The poet then discusses the inseparable relationship between the hole and the bagel: "When I buy a true bagel, however, I buy a hole. Dough, technically, is not enough." This line emphasizes that the hole is an inherent part of the bagel, despite its lack of physical presence. The comparison to the voids left by Pompeiians further explores the idea of absence and presence, suggesting that even if the surrounding material is removed, the concept of the hole persists.
The exploration continues with the bagel's hole having a causal role and a history. The poet describes how the hole comes to be when the baker fuses the dough-strip ends, and how it changes during baking. This dynamic quality of the hole, including its resilience when filled with a finger, illustrates the complexity of what might seem like a simple void.
The second section shifts to a more philosophical and abstract discussion. The poet introduces the idea of creating a hole by displacing water with a hand, broadening the concept to include various types of holes. This leads to a playful yet thought-provoking moment with the poet's child, who counts the holes in a box of bagels, reinforcing the relativity and perception of holes.
The poet questions the reality of holes, suggesting that discussing holes might just be a way of talking about the objects that create them. The paradox of a hole within a swim tube being both stationary and spinning challenges the reader to think about the nature of space and existence.
The poet reflects on historical and natural examples of holes, such as the cavities left by the people of Pompeii and the intricate structures in caves. These examples highlight the presence and impact of holes, even if they are created by the absence of matter. The poem argues that holes, whether real or imagined, play a crucial role in how we understand and describe the world.
In the final section, the poet returns to the bagel, emphasizing that filling a hole with anything other than its original substance still leaves the hole intact. This reinforces the idea that holes are markers of rupture and transition. The poet concludes that holes are relative and dependent on perspective, suggesting that the bagel itself could be seen as a hole in the "World-All."
The poem ultimately contemplates the nature of existence and the importance of absence as much as presence. By using the simple metaphor of a bagel's hole, the poet invites readers to consider the profound implications of voids and how they shape our understanding of reality. The work challenges conventional perceptions and encourages a deeper exploration of the spaces and gaps that define our world.
**Visiting Elizabeth** is a poignant and evocative narrative that delves into themes of familial disarray, childhood trauma, and the painful nuances of supervised family visits. The poem captures a specific moment in time, laden with the emotional weight of strained family dynamics and the stark realities of a broken system.
The poem begins with a recollection of the last time the narrator saw his sister, Elizabeth, in 1998. This visit, marked by a CPS-supervised meeting at the city hall in Poughkeepsie, sets a somber tone. The stark contrast between the narrator's age of fifteen and Elizabeth's tender age of three highlights the responsibility and burden he carries at such a young age.
The journey to Poughkeepsie is depicted through the uncomfortable ride in their grandparents' car, underscoring the cramped and unpleasant conditions. The narrator's position on his father's lap, surrounded by garbage bags, amplifies the sense of suffocation and the inescapable presence of dysfunction. The "stench amplified by Grandma and her Yorkie" adds a visceral layer to the experience, painting a vivid picture of discomfort and neglect.
The poem's second section shifts to the immediate events before the visit. The father’s need for cigarettes and the stop at the gas station introduce an element of instability and dependency. The narrator's reluctant compliance in holding the brown-bagged 40 hints at a role reversal, where the child assumes responsibilities beyond his years. The mention of Grandma’s "hand-brushed red" Mazda and her repeated calls to remember the camera and coloring book indicate a semblance of routine in their chaotic lives.
In the park, the father's nervous demeanor and his clandestine drinking highlight his struggles and attempt to cope with the impending visit. The narrator's refusal to drink and his decision to reject carrying the beer further underscore his role as the reluctant caretaker. The act of burying the beer in the snow becomes a symbolic gesture of hiding their dysfunction from public scrutiny, emphasized by the narrator's remark to a passing suit, “Gotta keep it cool.”
Inside the city hall, the setting transitions to the controlled environment of the meeting room. The brief interaction with Elizabeth, marked by her grimace at the foreign beer kisses and retreat to the caseworker's lap, poignantly captures the emotional distance and the unnaturalness of their encounter. The act of taking pictures while Elizabeth colors becomes a metaphor for capturing fleeting moments of connection amidst the pervasive sense of estrangement.
The poem concludes with their departure, highlighting the fleeting nature of the visit. Grandpa’s curbside presence, the father’s fabricated excuses about money, and the eventual purchase of lottery tickets paint a picture of futility and the cyclical nature of their circumstances. The mention of the Win4 lotto numbers serves as a stark reminder of their reliance on chance and the slim hopes for a better future.
**Visiting Elizabeth** intricately weaves together the narrator’s observations, the dysfunctional family dynamics, and the stark realities of supervised visits, creating a powerful narrative that resonates with themes of loss, responsibility, and the enduring impact of a fractured family system. The poem's vivid imagery and raw honesty provide a window into the complexities of growing up in an environment marked by instability and yearning for connection.
meant to shake off a demon, the demon
asks with alacrity: “So where we going?”
"An Introduction to Chaos Magic(k)" offers a nuanced portrayal of a young woman in the digital age, navigating a complex web of societal pressures, personal insecurities, and self-imposed fantasies. The poem is a striking exploration of how contemporary youth, particularly those on the fringes of traditional and digital cultures, grapple with identity, purpose, and reality in an increasingly fragmented world. The character, a self-styled “metaverse brujita,” embodies the contradictions of modern existence: she is both a product of her environment and an active participant in its creation, constructing a persona that reflects the intersection of digital hyper-reality and archaic mystical beliefs.
Through vivid imagery and detailed descriptions, the poem captures the essence of this young woman’s world—a world where the boundaries between reality and fantasy blur, where identity is both curated and chaotic, and where the pursuit of meaning is fraught with pitfalls. Her life, marked by a series of contradictions—spiritual yet nihilistic, empowered yet fragile, creative yet destructive—serves as a commentary on the broader cultural shifts in the 21st century, particularly the resurgence of mysticism in an era dominated by technology and social media.
The character's engagement with chaos magic, astrology, and other occult practices is depicted not merely as a quirky lifestyle choice but as a desperate attempt to assert control over a life that feels increasingly out of her hands. Her belief in these practices, coupled with her deep-seated insecurities and a pervasive sense of disillusionment, underscores the psychological and emotional turbulence that defines her existence. The poem suggests that these practices, while providing temporary solace, ultimately exacerbate her sense of alienation and contribute to a broader cultural drift toward irrationality and superstition.
Yet, despite her flaws and the toxic elements of her worldview, the poem also expresses a degree of empathy for her. The character’s struggles are emblematic of a generation caught between the promises of technology and the harsh realities of a world that often fails to deliver on those promises. Her dreams, however misguided, are genuine, and her efforts to find meaning and self-worth in a confusing and often hostile world are portrayed with a measure of compassion. The poet’s reflection at the end of the piece acknowledges the character’s potential for growth and change, even as it critiques the cultural forces that shape her.
midst the backdrop of LA's gaunt beauty, sculpted by missed meals and Starbucks, she dons a SpongeBob baseball cap and a Queen of Pentacles tarot card tattoo, symbols that reflect both her childlike nostalgia and her aspirations toward mystical power. Her IG bio declares her a "metaverse brujita," a digital witch navigating the ether with a blend of technology and spirituality, while her surroundings—a one-room world decorated in a mishmash of enchanted forest fairycore and steampunk vintage—mirror her inner turmoil. As she sits on her $400 Moon Pod, she attempts a "mindfulness ritual" meant to exorcise self-loathing and embrace her inner child, but beneath the surface, her actions are driven by a deeper, sublinguistic hope to ward off the growing bitterness toward reality itself.
The poem delves into her psyche, revealing her struggles with identity, her obsession with social validation, and her flirtations with nihilism. Her interactions on social media, her curated digital presence, and her consumption of pop culture all contribute to a sense of disconnection from reality, as she grapples with feelings of inadequacy and the fear of being ordinary. Her rituals, her creative endeavors, and even her relationships are tainted by this inner conflict, as she oscillates between grandiose delusions of self-importance and the crushing weight of self-doubt.
The poem’s narrative is interspersed with moments of raw vulnerability, such as her reflection on past traumas, her obsessive focus on physical imperfections, and her fantasies of escape into a world where she is the central figure—untouched by the harsh judgments of the real world. Yet, despite her struggles, there is a sense of resilience in her, a potential for growth that flickers beneath the layers of magical thinking and victimhood. The author’s note that follows the poem offers a critical yet empathetic perspective, acknowledging the protagonist's flaws while also recognizing her humanity and potential for positive change.
Ultimately, "An Introduction to Chaos Magic(k)" is a poignant exploration of the challenges faced by a generation caught between the digital and the real, the magical and the mundane, as they search for meaning and identity in an increasingly chaotic world. The poem captures the tension between the desire for control and the fear of being overwhelmed by forces beyond one's understanding, offering a nuanced portrayal of a young woman on the edge of self-discovery.
Chaos Magic(k), digital age, modern identity, mysticism, societal pressures, personal insecurities, metaverse brujita, Carl Sagan, victimhood, cultural shifts, Gen Z, psychological turbulence, digital hyper-reality, cultural critique, poetic exploration.