to Hive being
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What is Hive Being, and Why the Name?
You have likely heard talk of a hive mind, where one global mind finds more or less figurative expression in various local minds. Such talk is common enough in nature documentaries, especially ones concerning ants or bees, and in sci-fi programs. Take that notion, at least a loose version of it, and broaden its scope. That will be a decent first step in understanding the title I have chosen both for my Blog and for the first five-volume installment of my magnum opus Made For You and Me, a fragmentary collection of minimalist stanzas from 2016 to 2020.
In alignment with Spinoza (the 17th Century Rationalist to whom I devoted my doctoral studies), I view reality in its totality as a grand hive Being: all entities are but pulsating manifestations of the buckstopping fount of everything, an ultimate being we might call “God” or “Nature” (so long as, out of respect for the capital “G” and the capital “N,” we limit it neither to some anthropomorphic cloud father hurling lightning bolts nor to mere wilderness untouched by human smog). According to the hive-Being view (where reality is one lone superorganism, a monistic—and we might even say unividualist—conception I defend in both my creative and academic capacities), each non-foundational being (each being, that is, whose essence does not involve existence) is an utterly necessitated expression or eruption or exudation of this eternal source—each is, perhaps better put, a mode or manner of being, and so a focal point through which is disclosed, what classical theists sometimes call “being itself” (ipsum esse subsistens): the realness of the real, the being of whatever may be, the sheer activity of being, the very isness of whatever is. This Blog, which duplicates my Substack, throbs as but one among many literary unfurlings of this self-necessitated foundation, this supreme wellspring, of which we—like black holes and broken beliefs, like fractal ferns and flickering flames—are the inevitable stylings.
My Journey
I am an academic who found himself pressured into early retirement by the rising tides of cancel culture. The illiberal scourge of censoring, silencing, and shaming—although always with us throughout our evolution—reached a local peak around 2021. That was the turbulent year my creative pursuits, which the old left once encouraged as a healthy outlet for the stresses of a childhood steeped in poverty and illiteracy, drew the ire of the new safe-space left. A small cadre of self-proclaimed victims and their allies, several of whom continue to berate me years later under pseudonyms as see through as their sexual infatuation, sought to erase me and my heterodoxy. They found support from a wannabe-woke dean, covered in the grand inquisitor robes of our decadent modernity (full-body tattoos) and just itching to signal his commitment to protecting “vulnerable populations” from triggering material (even if just, as it was in my case, off-duty poems “unbecoming for someone calling himself a teacher”). Although I eventually won my due-process case with the help of The Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression, I slunk away from a college that turned its back on protecting freedom of expression and from an institution increasingly intolerant of intellectual diversity.
The wrecking ball to my too-comfy office in the windowless ivory tower came with a silver lining. From the ashes of my professional aspirations rose a phoenix of increased freedom to fulfill the literary calling I have pursued for decades. Reputation concerns never stopped me, even within academia’s sterile halls of conformity. Indeed, my unapologetic defiance, which has long baffled friends and family, no doubt chummed even safe waters—almost as if I were asking for it all along—until the cancel shiver grew too frenzied to hold back its blind thrashings. But now, now I piston the most forbidden territories of human thought with no longer even a twinge of conscience. The newfound freedom means extra time to hone my craft. When not assisting special-needs communities (a day job far more rewarding than freeway-flyer drudgeries), I pursue my literary mission with Dionysian fervor.
Call for Co-Conspirators
This space, my digital sanctuary, showcases the fruits of my mission. Think of my posts, even those linking to my publications, as works in progress. I want your input, unflinching brutality included. Each post begins with an invitation to action: “Let’s workshop this [draft about x, y, z].” Your contributions, whether through public comments or my contact page, help hammer scraps of ore into polished blades fit for magazine publication.
Your input is valuable, even if you are neither a writer nor a reader of literature—twin disciplines dying by the cyber nanosecond. Sometimes—even if at the risk of uttering banalities—an outsider’s fresh vantage can pierce the veils of convention to reveal what insiders miss. It often takes an outsider to make us even think to question our ingrained presuppositions and attitudes. I stand by the hygienic value of contagion. That is one reason I advocate so strongly for intellectual diversity and freedom of expression. And that is also one reason I was so harrowed by the anti-diversity swell of cancel culture in academia (an institution that should be the utmost caretaker of such values)—harrowed especially insofar as that swell masqueraded under the gaslighting guise of “diversity”).
You will witness the breathing evolution of my writings over time. To track these changes, I label each revision by round: “ROUND 2,” ROUND 3,” and so forth. Each piece undergoes continuous refinement based on your feedback and my own revisitations. Sometimes changes will mar the work. That is the risk of creative tinkering as a finite creature. I hope you will alert me to missteps. After many semesters of university writing workshops, one rule has impressed itself upon me: when someone senses a flaw, something almost always needs to change—even if, yes, the proposed solution misses the mark (which often it does). From a quick look into the archives, accessible here, you can see how much I have benefited from your feedback so far.
My Hope
Sharing drafts can be daunting. But showing you the ravaged and unperfumed real deal unfiltered by makeup (stuttering starts and falsities, awkward line breaks and clumsy word choices, grammatical errors and misspellings)—that not only makes my work more relatable, but helps me refine things through your input. I hope the unfiltered look at the raw process of fumbling, rather than just the polished product, also helps other writers develop their craft. Imperfect works often instruct more than perfect ones: whereas the perfect ones tend to have a grace by which they slip inside us without activating our scrutiny, the imperfect ones—especially the near perfect ones—show us glaringly what not to do.
People laugh at me, seeing—in my tilting at the windmills of literary excellence—a Don Quixote clunking around in Arthurian armor in a post-knight era. I am not naïve. I am well aware of the diminishing ability to read, let alone well: slowly and deeply, with gratitude. I am also aware that my style, which often nests subpoints within larger points, never waters down virtuosity for the sake of mass appeal. I watch readers stumble over my sentences, unable to unlock even just the music of the envelope let alone the semantic meat within, which—given my tendency to flashlight through the darker facets of human nature (the addicts, the miscreants, the abusers among us)—only adds an additional alienating layer of difficulty). Beholding these depressive scenes of even supportive family members getting bucked off my syntactic bronco makes me feel like a dinosaur who should get a hint and, if not succumb to the brain rot of skibidi-toilet speak, just hang himself already. Even though the decline in linguistic background and grammatical voltage makes my compositions seem quixotic in a world binging Netflix and TikTok, I persist—raging against the dying of the light—by some internal compulsion to celebrate the richness of language and thought.
My hope is that, despite social media’s unparalleled power to farm our attention, people never forget the unique power of writing. Beyond unveiling hypocrisy, teasing out complex implications, and detailing the commonalities between even the most alien phenomena, writing offers something we need today—trapped in agoraphobic cyber bubbles only thickened by the Lyme dangers of forests and the COVID dangers of cities—perhaps more than ever. Granting us rich access to the first-person perspectives of others (to how things feel to them), writing serves as one of humanity’s best tools for combating loneliness. It allows us to linger, broadly and deeply and at high resolution, within the inner lives of others in a way that other arts can only suggest.
What to Expect
My work spans a broad spectrum: from metaphysical discourses on free will and determinism and the ontology of holes to the ephemera of western culture (whether the childhood impacts of the hypersexual mono-image of black woman as squirting twerkers or Terrence Howard’s sham revolution of mathematics). Some tight and minimal, others free-flowing sprawls; some heady and abstract, others emotional and imagistic—my inkwell musings, which often blend scholarly rigor with a dark humor from both high and low culture, aim to capture the visceral intensity of our personal and social and ultimately existential predicaments.
By no means can I deny that drug abuse, sexual assault, and the tales of the broken and the damned loom large in the tag cloud of my work. My writing will never be a paradise of easy truths and comforting lies. It will challenge you, provoke you, and at times even repulse you. I offer no apologies for the monsters I unleash. They are as much a part of us, at long root scared rodent mammals scurrying in the shadows of dinosaurs, as our noblest aspirations.
But make no mistake. It is not all downer darkness. The archives are my receipts. You will find pieces exploring the pursuit of authenticity in a media-saturated world, the search for meaning in an indifferent cosmos, and the celebration of beauty in both the sublime and the profane. I locate much of my inspiration, in fact, in novelists like Dostoevsky and poets like Ted Kooser—writers unafraid to pursue moral agendas or risk Hallmark sentimentality in an age that often sneers at sincerity.
Be they satirical dissections of modern social dynamics or poignant poems about addiction or academic articles on moral responsibility, my goal is to provoke thought, evoke emotion, and foster meaningful dialogue. Fear has not and will not stop me from challenging humanity’s fundamental taboos (like bestiality and cannibalism) or self-reflecting into the dark chaos of the subconscious, even if that means exposing the Jungian shadows—the inner Goebbels—lurking within us all!
Expect posts each day, no day missed. Donations are welcome, but I impose no paywall: it feels wrong to charge for art, especially given our date with obliteration. Feel free to explore what amounts to, at the time of writing this, close to a thousand pieces of poetry and prose here. That should give you a sense of what awaits.
Join me—specula holstered—on this literary odyssey into the public and private nooks of the hive Being. Let us navigate the labyrinth of creation together, confronting our demons and even slaying our darlings if we must. Let us dance on the razor’s edge between the sublime and the profane in pursuit of an elusive literary perfection never to be confused—as it has been confused in our declining civilization—with the pursuit of popularity or likeability over truth.
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Posts
Kaminazi
**Kaminazi** is a powerful and provocative poem that addresses themes of racial injustice, hypocrisy, and the selective application of historical guilt in American society. The poem challenges the reader to consider the double standards present in how different racial and ethnic groups are treated, particularly in academic settings.
The poem begins by asserting that America, referred to as "Amerikkka" to emphasize its systemic racism, is deeply anti-black. It suggests that if this were not the case, Asian Americans might face similar historical bullying as white Americans do for slavery, specifically being blamed for Pearl Harbor. This comparison highlights the selective way in which historical guilt is assigned and perpetuated.
The poem also critiques the performative activism often seen on college campuses and in liberal, "sanctuary" cities. The term "keffiyah wokes" likely refers to those who adopt symbols of resistance without fully engaging in meaningful activism. The imagery of "baby-bottle-shot abortion jamborees" suggests a superficial and sensationalized approach to serious issues, contrasting with the genuine struggles faced by marginalized groups.
Overall, **Kaminazi** is a scathing commentary on racial hypocrisy and the uneven distribution of historical blame, urging readers to reflect on the deeper societal injustices and the performative nature of some modern activism. It critiques the selective moral outrage and absurdity in American society. It draws parallels between the baseless accusations faced by minority groups, imagining a world where Korean kids are blamed for Pearl Harbor. This poem highlights the hypocrisy and injustice prevalent on campuses and in progressive spaces, shedding light on the nuanced struggles of marginalized communities.
Morse Code of Distress
Morse Code of Distress is a concise, evocative poem that captures the turmoil and desperation of a young boy. It highlights his compulsive need to scrape a concealed weapon against the rough textures of the urban environment. This act, set against the twilight backdrop, symbolizes his search for a decisive action that could end his life, a life from which he feels trapped and unable to escape on his own. The poem powerfully conveys themes of distress, compulsion, and the silent cries for help through the boy's actions.
The Help
**The Help** delves into the performative solidarity and the underlying self-serving motivations of a group of white women as they navigate their own feelings of guilt and privilege. Set against the backdrop of a watch-party for the film *The Help*, the poem exposes the superficial and often condescending nature of their attempts to connect with and understand the struggles of people of color.
The scene opens with the women gathered, equipped with box rosé, scarves, and tears—a tableau of desperate solidarity. They are eager to absolve their shame and prove their subservience, glancing nervously at their token person of color. This individual, cornered before the film begins, becomes the focus of their awkward attempts at connection. Each woman, in her way, seeks to express her perceived enlightenment and distance herself from the racism of her own circle, whether by criticizing white features, expressing fear of white men (including their own husbands), or showcasing their tokenistic connections to black individuals.
Their conversation brims with self-congratulatory remarks and superficial praises, particularly directed at the actresses of the film. They fawn over Octavia Spencer's beauty, marveling at her skin, and maintain a facade of reverence and reflection, giving the floor to the "oppressed voice" only after the credits roll. This restraint is insufferable for the inebriated group, who are impatient to express their well-meaning yet condescending pity.
As the poem progresses, it becomes clear that their concern for "people of color" is tainted by their desire to be seen as saviors. They believe it is their duty to educate and uplift, yet their efforts are steeped in a patronizing attitude that fails to recognize the agency and resilience of those they claim to support. Their discussions reveal a disconnect between their self-image and the reality of their impact, highlighting a persistent, albeit well-intentioned, form of racism.
**The Help** critiques the performative nature of allyship and the superficial efforts of those who, while professing solidarity, perpetuate a dynamic of dependency and condescension. Through its vivid portrayal of a watch-party, the poem underscores the complexity and often problematic aspects of modern-day attempts at racial reconciliation.
Exposure
**Exposure** is a haunting exploration of a man’s descent into homelessness and the emotional struggles that accompany his life on the streets. The poem delves into the memories that shape his present, the complex dynamics of his past, and the philosophical justifications he offers himself to make sense of his situation.
The opening lines set a somber tone, with the man hunkered down against the chill of autumn in the back of a strange pickup truck on an unfamiliar road. This transient setting mirrors his internal state, a life of constant movement and disconnection. The memory that comes to him is described as a young one, no more than two weeks old, yet it holds the weight and permanence of a childhood song or a vivid image from his past, like the schoolhouse triangle’s note or a deer strung up in a tree.
The memory is of a mundane yet significant moment: him casting dice alone under a buzzing street lamp. The scene is filled with sensory details—the loud tings against a dumpster, the clear sight of hypers (drug addicts) zipping along the sidewalk, and the smack men desperate for their next fix. These vivid descriptions place the reader in the midst of the urban decay that surrounds him.
The poem then shifts to his introspection, revealing his identity crisis. Despite being neither a hyper nor a hoocher (an alcoholic), he is perceived by outsiders as just another part of the street's chaos. His flannel shirt and baking soda smile mask the internal turmoil and disconnection he feels, both from society and from his former self. The line “he stood for what happens when the ball drops” poignantly encapsulates his fall from stability.
The poem delves deeper into his past, revealing that his current state is a result of a conscious decision, a reaction to the loss of his wife and the disintegration of his previous life. He had once been entrenched in the typical markers of success—late-night arguments, financial investments, family moments. Yet, these no longer hold meaning for him. His homelessness is framed as a quest for adventure, a rejection of the safety and monotony of his past life.
The loss of his wife, who once would have been angered by his choices but now would understand, is a turning point. Her death signifies the end of his old life and the beginning of a new, unanchored existence. His manipulations and attempts to hold onto his past life have lost their efficacy, leaving him with a need to shed the last remnants of his childhood illusions and embrace the raw reality of his situation.
**Exposure** powerfully captures the complexity of homelessness, the internal and external battles faced by those living on the streets, and the deep-seated need for meaning and identity amidst chaos. Through rich imagery and introspective narrative, the poem offers a poignant glimpse into a life unmoored and searching for something beyond conventional boundaries.
Docking
"Docking," a poem brimming with raw intimacy, offers a glimpse into a pivotal moment of sexual exploration between two young boys, Mark and Dodi. Through evocative imagery and a deliberate use of language, the poem delves into themes of budding sexuality, power dynamics, and the vulnerability of self-discovery.
The poem opens with a direct and provocative image: "Mark peels open and pulls back the tan prepuce." This act of unveiling sets the stage for the poem's exploration of the body as a source of both fascination and trepidation. The word "bewitched" applied to Dodi suggests a long-held, almost mystical, attraction to this hidden part of Mark's anatomy, possibly stemming from a childhood encounter in the "first school shower." This detail hints at the early awakening of their sexuality and the formative impact of shared experiences.
The language used to describe the exposed genitals is both sensuous and precise. The "chiseled peach-cleft underbelly" and "glossy rose-madder glans" create a vivid picture, while the color choices evoke a sense of youthful vibrancy. However, the focus on Mark's body positions him as the one offering, while Dodi assumes the role of the recipient. This initial power dynamic is further emphasized by the verb "plants" used to describe Dodi's action.
The imagery shifts when the focus moves to Dodi. The "meatus smooching flared ruff of flesh" emphasizes the physical act, while the act of "hooding" Mark's hand "full over Dodi's crown" introduces a reversal of roles. This suggests a potential fluidity and shared agency in their exploration.
The poem's central metaphor, "one retractable rod," highlights the physical connection forged by the boys. However, the act of "shafting" carried out with "strong but slight back and forth" movement underscores the tentative and perhaps even hesitant nature of their encounter.
The final line, "Mark's hand-clutch at the seam secures," reinforces the initial power dynamic. Mark's hand becomes an anchoring force, suggesting a need for control or perhaps a fear of losing this newly discovered connection.
"Docking" raises important questions about the complex interplay of power and intimacy in youthful sexual exploration. The poem avoids explicitness, instead relying on suggestive language and imagery. This ambiguity allows the reader to project their own interpretations onto the scene, fostering a sense of both intimacy and voyeurism.
Ultimately, "Docking" offers a compelling snapshot of a pivotal moment in the lives of these two boys. Their exploration is both physically intimate and emotionally charged, hinting at the complexities of self-discovery and the evolving nature of power dynamics in early relationships.
That Siren
**That Siren** is a powerful poem that captures the cyclical despair and fleeting empowerment of a man ensnared by alcoholism. Through vivid imagery and evocative language, the poem explores the self-deception and false sense of purpose that sustains the man's existence.
The poem begins with the striking image of a horse, polished-hooved but reeking of piss, clopping away from its spot on the corner. This juxtaposition of cleanliness and filth sets the tone for the man's own condition. The horse, a symbol of strength and dignity, contrasts sharply with the man's degraded state.
The man, described as "nuzzled into the city-block curb," is portrayed as a figure of utter desolation. His action of raising a tin cup to the neon lights suggests a futile plea for help or recognition. The "neon eyes" above his "adamant feet" evoke a sense of stubbornness and entrenchment in his situation, highlighting the unyielding nature of his despair.
The physical need to urinate, triggered by his own thoughts, underscores the man's lack of control over his own body and life. The phrase "easy empowerment" reveals the man's internal justification for his actions, as he convinces himself that he is merely "gathering fuel" for some future purpose. This self-deception is personified by "that siren," a seductive force that lures him into making the streets his home.
**That Siren** poignantly depicts the struggles of a man caught in the grips of alcoholism, finding false comfort in the belief that his actions have a greater purpose. Through its rich imagery and exploration of self-deception, the poem offers a deep and empathetic look at the complexities of addiction and despair.
Spark
**Spark** is a poignant and intense poem that delves into the themes of despair, dehumanization, and the crushing inevitability of the penal system. The narrative centers around an inmate, identified only by the number 999625, who contemplates the futility of seeking compassion within a system designed to process and punish rather than to understand and empathize.
The poem opens with a vivid image of the inmate potentially rejecting a warden’s seemingly compassionate offer of a cigarette, understanding that such small gestures of pity hold no real power to alter his grim fate. The “Tejano chair” evokes the electric chair, a symbol of the ultimate punishment awaiting him. The inmate’s internal struggle is highlighted, recognizing that self-mutilation or any act of desperation would be equally powerless against the machinery of the justice system.
As the poem shifts to the early stages of the inmate’s journey, the harsh reality of the prison environment is emphasized through the description of the coarse wool blanket in central booking. The process of being booked and processed is depicted as a mechanical and dehumanizing experience, with each individual he encounters—finger-printers, guards, wellness-checkers—playing a part in a system devoid of genuine empathy.
The poem’s tone grows increasingly bleak as it describes how even those still somewhat removed from the hardened cynicism of the long-term warden can only offer a reversal of empathy. Their mantra, “Just doin’ my job, man,” underscores the systemic detachment and the normalization of indifference within the prison system.
Overall, **Spark** offers a stark commentary on the dehumanizing effects of the penal system, capturing the hopelessness and the mechanical routine that strips away the humanity of both the inmates and those who work within the system. Through its vivid imagery and somber tone, the poem challenges readers to reflect on the moral and emotional costs of such a system.
Test for (Red-Flag) Interlocutors
**Test for (Red-flag) Interlocutors** is a reflective piece that introduces a reasoning test designed to filter out individuals who might engage in unproductive or aggressive debates. The author emphasizes the importance of having a foundational understanding of reasoning to engage in meaningful discussions, especially on controversial topics.
The introduction explains that receiving the test sheet is not a personal attack but a measure to ensure productive conversation. It likens the test to a note explaining personal allergies, aiming to prevent unnecessary conflicts and frustrations.
The background section elaborates on the author's perspective as a philosopher, comparing engaging in deep conversation off-duty to asking professionals to work during their downtime. It highlights the challenges faced when engaging with individuals who lack respect for intellectual expertise or exhibit flawed reasoning. The author underscores the prevalence of a culture that undermines intellectuals and the importance of a break from professional duties to recharge.
The reasoning test is introduced as a way to filter out individuals who might not have the basic reasoning skills necessary for a productive conversation. The author shares personal experiences of frustration when dealing with poor reasoning and highlights the negative impact of engaging with individuals who approach discussions with hostility or condescension.
The test itself comprises ten logical cases and one bonus ethical question. The logical cases are designed to assess basic reasoning skills, while the bonus question challenges the respondent's ability to remain objective under pressure and handle uncomfortable ethical topics.
The ultimate goal of the test is to ensure that discussions are grounded in rational thought and to protect the author's time and energy from unproductive engagements. By setting this prerequisite, the author aims to foster a more respectful and meaningful exchange of ideas.
Istvan Creative Writing Bios
The reader should know, however, that some biographical information regarding early-childhood development might prove relevant here. Istvan grew up in a time and place where most of the people closest to him had something special going for them, a trump card—constantly leaned upon, constantly providing succor, constantly manifested in their swagger, constantly verbalized as an unconscious soothing mechanism to stoke endorphins of gratitude (healing even in the toughest times): the fact that, to cite the slogan so often used in moments grave and gay, “at least I’m not white.”
In That Way
**In That Way** is a vivid, poignant exploration of the fleeting moments of normalcy and hope experienced by a family grappling with addiction. The poem juxtaposes the harsh realities of drug use with the fragile hope of recovery, using powerful imagery and layered symbolism.
The opening lines set a stark scene: "Close to an 8-ball cut into one mother rail / on the jacket of Skynyrd’s Street Survivors / (frayed and faded by a dead father’s life)." The 8-ball, a slang term for a measure of cocaine, introduces the pervasive presence of drugs. The reference to Skynyrd's *Street Survivors* album, particularly one worn and "frayed and faded by a dead father’s life," suggests a legacy of hardship and loss. This album choice is significant; *Street Survivors* was released just days before the band's tragic plane crash, infusing the poem with a sense of foreboding and the shadow of past trauma.
The phrase "in that thinning sliver before / tunnel vision cloisters them again" captures the transient clarity before the drugs' effects take hold. The "kitchen glow" symbolizes a brief return to the familial and familiar, where the boys, "conjoined by mistrust of solo-detour sniffs," hint at the communal nature of their addiction, bound together by both camaraderie and suspicion.
The "Blackhole pupils" are a striking metaphor for the emptiness and allure of drug use, where the "fool’s gold" represents the false promises and illusory rewards of their addiction. Yet, despite this, "the boys sparkle in that way that fills Mom," suggesting that even in their altered state, there remains a glimmer of their former selves that brings fleeting comfort to their mother.
Mom's actions, "stirring a big pot of what they will not eat," underscore the futility and heartbreak of her efforts to care for them, juxtaposed with the boys’ "frenetic voltage," an image conveying both their hyperactive state and the electric, unstable energy they exude.
The final lines evoke a wistful hope: "where there is talk, daylight / talk, of sports and crushes, school and jobs; / talk, as seasons turn, of kicking the habit." This "daylight talk" contrasts sharply with the darkness of their addiction, reflecting ordinary aspirations and the cyclical nature of their lives. The reference to "seasons turn" suggests the passage of time and the recurring hope for change and recovery, even as the reality remains fraught with difficulty.
In sum, **In That Way** captures the complex interplay of despair and hope within a family affected by addiction. It highlights the moments of human connection and normalcy that persist despite the overarching shadow of drug use, offering a nuanced portrayal of the struggle for recovery and the enduring, if fragile, bonds of family.
Yorkies
Yorkies
Through cage bars these rodents watch me/
suck marrow from chicken bones. How many/
must be overtaken by that clenching urge/
to torment such pathetics—swooned//
by the thought of lowering them, cages/
rock-weighted, yapping into the sea./
Yet so many do only what they can—/
just enough to keep on with their lives://
jab-jab jabbing at them with fork,/
with butter knife, steak knife—face/
redder with each thrust thwarted/
by bars, by slippings of the jab;//
feeding them a few grapes or raisins,/
pepper sauce and vodka—dry kibble/
merely sniffed before being dumped/
in the woods for the sake of the wife;//
running them, mere leash weights,/
through brambles—so insistent upon/
continuous top speed that the leashes,/
their loop handles, strip finger creases;//
screeching the SUV to a rocking halt/
a few sweet houses down—those rats,/
fake-forgotten, having been bumper-tied/
while packing for the family outing;//
crush-rubbing the little one’s face,/
black bangs over its pathetic eyes,/
too hard too quick into the tile/
of urine and shit—oscillation blur;//
hammer-throwing that same little one/
over the house—the leash windup/
drawn-out for centrifugal torture/
in the heart-pounding secret of night.
Visiting Elizabeth
**Visiting Elizabeth** is a poignant and evocative narrative that delves into themes of familial disarray, childhood trauma, and the painful nuances of supervised family visits. The poem captures a specific moment in time, laden with the emotional weight of strained family dynamics and the stark realities of a broken system.
The poem begins with a recollection of the last time the narrator saw his sister, Elizabeth, in 1998. This visit, marked by a CPS-supervised meeting at the city hall in Poughkeepsie, sets a somber tone. The stark contrast between the narrator's age of fifteen and Elizabeth's tender age of three highlights the responsibility and burden he carries at such a young age.
The journey to Poughkeepsie is depicted through the uncomfortable ride in their grandparents' car, underscoring the cramped and unpleasant conditions. The narrator's position on his father's lap, surrounded by garbage bags, amplifies the sense of suffocation and the inescapable presence of dysfunction. The "stench amplified by Grandma and her Yorkie" adds a visceral layer to the experience, painting a vivid picture of discomfort and neglect.
The poem's second section shifts to the immediate events before the visit. The father’s need for cigarettes and the stop at the gas station introduce an element of instability and dependency. The narrator's reluctant compliance in holding the brown-bagged 40 hints at a role reversal, where the child assumes responsibilities beyond his years. The mention of Grandma’s "hand-brushed red" Mazda and her repeated calls to remember the camera and coloring book indicate a semblance of routine in their chaotic lives.
In the park, the father's nervous demeanor and his clandestine drinking highlight his struggles and attempt to cope with the impending visit. The narrator's refusal to drink and his decision to reject carrying the beer further underscore his role as the reluctant caretaker. The act of burying the beer in the snow becomes a symbolic gesture of hiding their dysfunction from public scrutiny, emphasized by the narrator's remark to a passing suit, “Gotta keep it cool.”
Inside the city hall, the setting transitions to the controlled environment of the meeting room. The brief interaction with Elizabeth, marked by her grimace at the foreign beer kisses and retreat to the caseworker's lap, poignantly captures the emotional distance and the unnaturalness of their encounter. The act of taking pictures while Elizabeth colors becomes a metaphor for capturing fleeting moments of connection amidst the pervasive sense of estrangement.
The poem concludes with their departure, highlighting the fleeting nature of the visit. Grandpa’s curbside presence, the father’s fabricated excuses about money, and the eventual purchase of lottery tickets paint a picture of futility and the cyclical nature of their circumstances. The mention of the Win4 lotto numbers serves as a stark reminder of their reliance on chance and the slim hopes for a better future.
**Visiting Elizabeth** intricately weaves together the narrator’s observations, the dysfunctional family dynamics, and the stark realities of supervised visits, creating a powerful narrative that resonates with themes of loss, responsibility, and the enduring impact of a fractured family system. The poem's vivid imagery and raw honesty provide a window into the complexities of growing up in an environment marked by instability and yearning for connection.
The Head through the Face
The Head through the Face
It is notoriously difficult to see
heads through faces. Think of how
difficult it is to see the homey logo
“Colgate” in its pure meatness,
where the word no longer sticks
to the familiar thing in your hand.
Artists have tried to unconceal
the head by deforming the face:
smudging, stretching the region.
This does help meatness emerge.
But what emerges is not the head
in question. That head is ruined.
Reordering the Colgate letters,
while bringing out the pure shape
of the letters, ruins the pure shape
of the logo itself. Shape, of course,
is what makes this meat this meat.
Although they do not guarantee
that the collective human stratum
of associations will peel away,
such distortions do go some way
toward unconcealing the meat
beneath. They open us to falling
into those dissociative modes
where the very same structures
emerge as pure meat, as they do
sometimes when stared at enough
in free moments of private calm
or when they are dead: the head
emerges in dead humans where
all the tension goes and the head
just hangs (Christ on the cross);
the pure shape of the logo too,
disassociated from its message,
emerges from diverse coverings
(product associations, nostalgia,
whatever) when worn and dirtied
among rotting garbage where
its lack of divinity lies exposed.
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Don’t let anyone tell you that real life is lacking in poetic interest. This is exactly what the poet is for: he has the mind and the imagination to find something of interest in everyday things. Real life supplies the motifs, the points that need to be said—the actual heart of the matter; but it is the poet’s job to fashion it all into a beautiful, animated whole. You are familiar with Fürnstein, the so-called “nature poet”? He has written a poem about growing hops, and you couldn’t imagine anything nicer. I have now asked him to write some poems celebrating the work of skilled artisans, in particular weavers, and I am quite sure he will succeed; he has lived among such people from an early age, he knows the subject inside out, and will be in full command of his material. That is the advantage of small works: you need only choose subjects that you know and have at your command. With a longer poetic work, however, this is not possible. There is no way around it: all the different threads that tie the whole thing together, and are woven into the design, have to be shown in accurate detail. Young people only have a one-sided view of things, whereas a longer work requires a multiplicity of viewpoints—and that’s where they come unstuck.—Goethe (Conversations with Eckermann)
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