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in the absence of expected disaster, we are
left again to what we do not want to be
left again to: each other—each other’s eyes

to Hive being

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What is Hive Being, and Why the Name?

You have likely heard talk of a hive mind, where one global mind finds more or less figurative expression in various local minds. Such talk is common enough in nature documentaries, especially ones concerning ants or bees, and in sci-fi programs. Take that notion, at least a loose version of it, and broaden its scope. That will be a decent first step in understanding the title I have chosen both for my Blog and for the first five-volume installment of my magnum opus Made For You and Me, a fragmentary collection of minimalist stanzas from 2016 to 2020.

In alignment with Spinoza (the 17th Century Rationalist to whom I devoted my doctoral studies), I view reality in its totality as a grand hive Being: all entities are but pulsating manifestations of the buckstopping fount of everything, an ultimate being we might call “God” or “Nature” (so long as, out of respect for the capital “G” and the capital “N,” we limit it neither to some anthropomorphic cloud father hurling lightning bolts nor to mere wilderness untouched by human smog). According to the hive-Being view (where reality is one lone superorganism, a monistic—and we might even say unividualist—conception I defend in both my creative and academic capacities), each non-foundational being (each being, that is, whose essence does not involve existence) is an utterly necessitated expression or eruption or exudation of this eternal source—each is, perhaps better put, a mode or manner of being, and so a focal point through which is disclosed, what classical theists sometimes call “being itself” (ipsum esse subsistens): the realness of the real, the being of whatever may be, the sheer activity of being, the very isness of whatever is. This Blog, which duplicates my Substack, throbs as but one among many literary unfurlings of this self-necessitated foundation, this supreme wellspring, of which we—like black holes and broken beliefs, like fractal ferns and flickering flames—are the inevitable stylings.

My Journey

I am an academic who found himself pressured into early retirement by the rising tides of cancel culture. The illiberal scourge of censoring, silencing, and shaming—although always with us throughout our evolution—reached a local peak around 2021. That was the turbulent year my creative pursuits, which the old left once encouraged as a healthy outlet for the stresses of a childhood steeped in poverty and illiteracy, drew the ire of the new safe-space left. A small cadre of self-proclaimed victims and their allies, several of whom continue to berate me years later under pseudonyms as see through as their sexual infatuation, sought to erase me and my heterodoxy. They found support from a wannabe-woke dean, covered in the grand inquisitor robes of our decadent modernity (full-body tattoos) and just itching to signal his commitment to protecting “vulnerable populations” from triggering material (even if just, as it was in my case, off-duty poems “unbecoming for someone calling himself a teacher”). Although I eventually won my due-process case with the help of The Foundation for Individual Rights and Expression, I slunk away from a college that turned its back on protecting freedom of expression and from an institution increasingly intolerant of intellectual diversity.  

The wrecking ball to my too-comfy office in the windowless ivory tower came with a silver lining. From the ashes of my professional aspirations rose a phoenix of increased freedom to fulfill the literary calling I have pursued for decades. Reputation concerns never stopped me, even within academia’s sterile halls of conformity. Indeed, my unapologetic defiance, which has long baffled friends and family, no doubt chummed even safe waters—almost as if I were asking for it all along—until the cancel shiver grew too frenzied to hold back its blind thrashings. But now, now I piston the most forbidden territories of human thought with no longer even a twinge of conscience. The newfound freedom means extra time to hone my craft. When not assisting special-needs communities (a day job far more rewarding than freeway-flyer drudgeries), I pursue my literary mission with Dionysian fervor.

Call for Co-Conspirators

This space, my digital sanctuary, showcases the fruits of my mission. Think of my posts, even those linking to my publications, as works in progress. I want your input, unflinching brutality included. Each post begins with an invitation to action: “Let’s workshop this [draft about x, y, z].” Your contributions, whether through public comments or my contact page, help hammer scraps of ore into polished blades fit for magazine publication.

Your input is valuable, even if you are neither a writer nor a reader of literature—twin disciplines dying by the cyber nanosecond. Sometimes—even if at the risk of uttering banalities—an outsider’s fresh vantage can pierce the veils of convention to reveal what insiders miss. It often takes an outsider to make us even think to question our ingrained presuppositions and attitudes. I stand by the hygienic value of contagion. That is one reason I advocate so strongly for intellectual diversity and freedom of expression. And that is also one reason I was so harrowed by the anti-diversity swell of cancel culture in academia (an institution that should be the utmost caretaker of such values)—harrowed especially insofar as that swell masqueraded under the gaslighting guise of “diversity”).

You will witness the breathing evolution of my writings over time. To track these changes, I label each revision by round: “ROUND 2,” ROUND 3,” and so forth. Each piece undergoes continuous refinement based on your feedback and my own revisitations. Sometimes changes will mar the work. That is the risk of creative tinkering as a finite creature. I hope you will alert me to missteps. After many semesters of university writing workshops, one rule has impressed itself upon me: when someone senses a flaw, something almost always needs to change—even if, yes, the proposed solution misses the mark (which often it does). From a quick look into the archives, accessible here, you can see how much I have benefited from your feedback so far.

My Hope

Sharing drafts can be daunting. But showing you the ravaged and unperfumed real deal unfiltered by makeup (stuttering starts and falsities, awkward line breaks and clumsy word choices, grammatical errors and misspellings)—that not only makes my work more relatable, but helps me refine things through your input. I hope the unfiltered look at the raw process of fumbling, rather than just the polished product, also helps other writers develop their craft. Imperfect works often instruct more than perfect ones: whereas the perfect ones tend to have a grace by which they slip inside us without activating our scrutiny, the imperfect ones—especially the near perfect ones—show us glaringly what not to do.

People laugh at me, seeing—in my tilting at the windmills of literary excellence—a Don Quixote clunking around in Arthurian armor in a post-knight era. I am not naïve. I am well aware of the diminishing ability to read, let alone well: slowly and deeply, with gratitude. I am also aware that my style, which often nests subpoints within larger points, never waters down virtuosity for the sake of mass appeal. I watch readers stumble over my sentences, unable to unlock even just the music of the envelope let alone the semantic meat within, which—given my tendency to flashlight through the darker facets of human nature (the addicts, the miscreants, the abusers among us)—only adds an additional alienating layer of difficulty). Beholding these depressive scenes of even supportive family members getting bucked off my syntactic bronco makes me feel like a dinosaur who should get a hint and, if not succumb to the brain rot of skibidi-toilet speak, just hang himself already. Even though the decline in linguistic background and grammatical voltage makes my compositions seem quixotic in a world binging Netflix and TikTok, I persist—raging against the dying of the light—by some internal compulsion to celebrate the richness of language and thought.

My hope is that, despite social media’s unparalleled power to farm our attention, people never forget the unique power of writing. Beyond unveiling hypocrisy, teasing out complex implications, and detailing the commonalities between even the most alien phenomena, writing offers something we need today—trapped in agoraphobic cyber bubbles only thickened by the Lyme dangers of forests and the COVID dangers of cities—perhaps more than ever. Granting us rich access to the first-person perspectives of others (to how things feel to them), writing serves as one of humanity’s best tools for combating loneliness. It allows us to linger, broadly and deeply and at high resolution, within the inner lives of others in a way that other arts can only suggest.

What to Expect

My work spans a broad spectrum: from metaphysical discourses on free will and determinism and the ontology of holes to the ephemera of western culture (whether the childhood impacts of the hypersexual mono-image of black woman as squirting twerkers or Terrence Howard’s sham revolution of mathematics). Some tight and minimal, others free-flowing sprawls; some heady and abstract, others emotional and imagistic—my inkwell musings, which often blend scholarly rigor with a dark humor from both high and low culture, aim to capture the visceral intensity of our personal and social and ultimately existential predicaments.

By no means can I deny that drug abuse, sexual assault, and the tales of the broken and the damned loom large in the tag cloud of my work. My writing will never be a paradise of easy truths and comforting lies. It will challenge you, provoke you, and at times even repulse you. I offer no apologies for the monsters I unleash. They are as much a part of us, at long root scared rodent mammals scurrying in the shadows of dinosaurs, as our noblest aspirations.

But make no mistake. It is not all downer darkness. The archives are my receipts. You will find pieces exploring the pursuit of authenticity in a media-saturated world, the search for meaning in an indifferent cosmos, and the celebration of beauty in both the sublime and the profane. I locate much of my inspiration, in fact, in novelists like Dostoevsky and poets like Ted Kooser—writers unafraid to pursue moral agendas or risk Hallmark sentimentality in an age that often sneers at sincerity.

Be they satirical dissections of modern social dynamics or poignant poems about addiction or academic articles on moral responsibility, my goal is to provoke thought, evoke emotion, and foster meaningful dialogue. Fear has not and will not stop me from challenging humanity’s fundamental taboos (like bestiality and cannibalism) or self-reflecting into the dark chaos of the subconscious, even if that means exposing the Jungian shadows—the inner Goebbels—lurking within us all!

Expect posts each day, no day missed. Donations are welcome, but I impose no paywall: it feels wrong to charge for art, especially given our date with obliteration. Feel free to explore what amounts to, at the time of writing this, close to a thousand pieces of poetry and prose here. That should give you a sense of what awaits.

Join me—specula holstered—on this literary odyssey into the public and private nooks of the hive Being. Let us navigate the labyrinth of creation together, confronting our demons and even slaying our darlings if we must. Let us dance on the razor’s edge between the sublime and the profane in pursuit of an elusive literary perfection never to be confused—as it has been confused in our declining civilization—with the pursuit of popularity or likeability over truth.

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Three Verses on "Beacon Speaks"
Michael Anthony Istvan Junior Michael Anthony Istvan Junior

Three Verses on "Beacon Speaks"

In the poem "Beacon Speaks," M. A. Istvan Jr. and collaborators explore the enduring influence of Beacon, a city in New York's Hudson Valley, on its former residents. Through various voices and perspectives, the poem captures the complexities of identity, memory, and the struggle to rise above one's origins while still being inevitably shaped by them. The chorus sections emphasize the lasting impact of Beacon's culture and environment on those who have left, while the verses delve into personal experiences and the gritty realities of life in and around Beacon.

The poem opens with a chorus that sets the stage for the exploration of Beacon's influence, noting how even those who have "made it out on top" carry traces of their past: "bad teeth, self-doubt, slang, even our bop." This establishes a theme of inescapable heritage, where one's origins continue to speak through their current selves, often in ways that are subtly discernible to others.

Istvan's verse delves into the specific social dynamics and characters of Beacon, painting a vivid picture of life in the city. He describes the allure of "hoodrats" and the chaotic scenes of black preggos, acrylic-nail scratches, and blunt-rolling alley cats. This verse highlights the cyclical nature of life in Beacon, where even those who leave are drawn back to familiar environments and relationships, often fraught with dysfunction and struggle. The scene is raw, filled with blunt-rolling alley cats and Baby Phat-wearing women. The struggle is palpable—child support dodges, cracked 40 Miller drafts, and chaotic confrontations. These characters are deeply entrenched in a cycle that seems impossible to break, highlighting the relentless grip of their environment.

The second chorus shifts the focus to those who have given up certain vices but still carry emotional and psychological scars: "teary eyes, rage-outs, fear, even our cocks." This section underscores the pervasive sense of incompleteness and the lingering effects of past behaviors and experiences.

Aly-Al's verse provides a deeply personal account of addiction, portraying a life dominated by the pursuit of drugs and the consequential spiral into deeper dependency. The narrative is one of relentless pursuit and inevitable relapse, despite attempts at recovery. The verse is a raw depiction of the challenges faced by those trying to escape the cycle of addiction, with Aly-Al highlighting the paradox of temporary escape through substance abuse and the perpetual return to the same destructive patterns. The father-son dynamic is fraught with chasing highs and petty theft, with crack and cheap booze as their companions. The passage of time shows a craft honed in addiction, hiding tracks in the summer heat, and the relentless cycle of relapse and detox. The vivid imagery of bartering stolen goods under a bridge and the constant battle with sobriety underscores the inescapable nature of addiction.

The third chorus extends the theme of being perceived as "off" by others due to past behaviors and associations, this time focusing on the physical and social markers that set former Beacon residents apart: "crooked grills, distrust, dress, even jump shots." The refrain reinforces the idea that the influence of one's origins is pervasive and recognizable, affecting how they are received in new environments.

Space Jesus's verse (missing in this fragment) would likely contribute to the narrative by adding another layer of personal or communal reflection, further enriching the tapestry of voices and experiences.

The fourth chorus addresses those who have sought philosophical or spiritual insights, noting how even such pursuits are colored by their past: "drug abuse, con ways, stress, even our ox." This section suggests that no matter how far one moves intellectually or spiritually, the influence of one's background persists.

Cride's verse wraps up the poem with a nostalgic look at Beacon through the lens of music and personal memories. He recalls listening to mixtapes, smoking weed, and engaging in the local music scene. This verse emphasizes the deep, lasting impact of Beacon on his artistic identity and personal history, showing how the city's cultural elements continue to shape his creative expressions.

Overall, "Beacon Speaks" is a powerful exploration of the inescapable influence of one's origins. It captures the enduring mark of a place on its people, illustrating how past environments and experiences continue to shape identities and perceptions. Through vivid imagery and personal narratives, the poem delves into themes of identity, struggle, and the complex relationship between one's past and present.

M. A. Istvan Jr., Beacon Speaks, poem, identity, struggle, Beacon NY, addiction, personal narrative, cultural influence, memory, community, past and present, literary exploration, social dynamics, lyrical poetry, urban life, Hudson Valley.

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My Father's Resume
Michael Anthony Istvan Junior Michael Anthony Istvan Junior

My Father's Resume

Michael Anthony Istvan Jr.’s poem "My Father’s Résumé" presents a poignant meditation on family, decay, and the futile attempts to reshape a broken life through the lens of societal expectations. The poem juxtaposes the harsh reality of the father’s existence with the artificial construct of a résumé, revealing deeper truths about identity, worth, and the struggle for validation.

The poem begins with the narrator undertaking the task of typing his father’s résumé, an act that initially seems straightforward but quickly becomes fraught with complexity. The imagery of a "rope tossed into his moldy tent" evokes a sense of rescue or aid, implying that the résumé might serve as a lifeline for the father. This metaphor underscores the father's desperate situation—living in a state of decay, both physically and emotionally, in the woods by the Hudson River. The father's environment is depicted as one of profound neglect and decline, where he has been "digested...into toothless rot" by the unforgiving elements and the passage of time. This vivid description is punctuated by moments of transient distraction and comfort, such as drinking beer and feeding raccoons, which highlight his isolation and resignation.

As the narrator works on the résumé, there is a noticeable shift in tone and focus. The initial aim of making the father "competitive" in the job market leads to embellishments and fabrications, a common practice in résumé writing but one that takes on a deeper significance in this context. The narrator’s efforts to "accentuate the positives with bullshit" and to dig up past jobs and volunteering experiences transform the résumé from a mere document into a symbol of hope and redemption. The process becomes an act of rewriting the father’s life, giving it a semblance of purpose and dignity that contrasts sharply with his current reality.

The line "the single page grew into something more" marks a pivotal moment in the poem. The résumé, initially a practical tool, becomes a narrative of the father’s life, infused with the narrator's desire to affirm his father’s worth. The "starched-collar compilation" is not just a list of jobs and skills; it is a testament to the father's existence, an attempt to construct a narrative of value and achievement. However, this constructed narrative is fragile, as the narrator anticipates the father's reaction. The whispering of the résumé’s optimistic message is overshadowed by the "voices" that "would swiftly bully the song." This suggests an inner turmoil within the father, where the positive affirmations of the résumé are drowned out by the harsh realities and self-doubt that have long plagued him.

Istvan’s "My Father’s Résumé" deftly captures the tension between societal measures of worth and the intrinsic value of a human life. The poem’s exploration of the father’s decline and the narrator’s earnest but ultimately futile attempt to rewrite his father’s story invites readers to reflect on the complexities of identity, validation, and the ways we seek to affirm the worth of those we love. Through its vivid imagery and emotional depth, the poem offers a powerful commentary on the human condition and the often unacknowledged struggles of those who live on the margins of society.

Michael Anthony Istvan Jr., My Father’s Résumé, family, decay, validation, societal expectations, résumé writing, identity, worth, isolation, neglect, redemption, hope, human condition, vivid imagery, emotional depth, struggle for validation, marginalization, human worth.

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Morse Code of Distress
Michael Anthony Istvan Junior Michael Anthony Istvan Junior

Morse Code of Distress

Morse Code of Distress is a concise, evocative poem that captures the turmoil and desperation of a young boy. It highlights his compulsive need to scrape a concealed weapon against the rough textures of the urban environment. This act, set against the twilight backdrop, symbolizes his search for a decisive action that could end his life, a life from which he feels trapped and unable to escape on his own. The poem powerfully conveys themes of distress, compulsion, and the silent cries for help through the boy's actions.

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White Supremacy on Its Deathbed
Michael Anthony Istvan Junior Michael Anthony Istvan Junior

White Supremacy on Its Deathbed

"White Supremacy on Its Deathbed" is a bold and confrontational work that challenges the mainstream antiracist movement and its implications for black empowerment. Through a mix of lyrical prose, scholarly critique, satire, and polemic, the author seeks to expose the paradoxical harms inflicted by well-intentioned but misguided efforts to dismantle white supremacy.

The book argues that the contemporary antiracist movement, exemplified by figures like Robin DiAngelo and Ibram X. Kendi, promotes an ideology that, while purporting to empower black Americans, ultimately infantilizes and debilitates them. This movement, according to the author, fosters a narrative of perpetual victimhood and helplessness among black people, which reinforces negative stereotypes and undermines genuine progress. By insisting on the omnipresence of white supremacy in every aspect of society—from everyday interactions to cultural and intellectual achievements—the antiracist movement inadvertently perpetuates the very divisions it seeks to eliminate.

The author critiques the tendency to attribute all disparities in health, education, and crime to systemic racism, while dismissing the role of personal responsibility and cultural factors. This approach, the book contends, not only demoralizes black individuals by suggesting that their fate is entirely dictated by external forces but also fuels racial tensions by framing white people as inherently oppressive and black people as inherently oppressed.

One of the central theses is that the antiracist movement's focus on symbolic gestures and emotional catharsis, rather than practical solutions, fails to address the root causes of inequality. The book criticizes the movement for promoting a form of racial essentialism that mirrors the very racism it opposes, creating racial affinity groups and encouraging a hyper-awareness of racial identity that can lead to further segregation and mistrust.

The book also delves into the economic and social incentives that drive the racism-training industry. It argues that this industry profits from sensationalizing race issues and fostering a culture of fear and division, thereby ensuring a constant demand for its services. The author suggests that this dynamic not only distracts from substantive policy discussions but also perpetuates a cycle of dependency and resentment.

Throughout the book, the author uses a combination of personal anecdotes, historical analysis, and cultural critique to make the case that the current approach to antiracism is counterproductive. By portraying black Americans as fragile and in need of constant protection, the movement undermines their agency and dignity. The author advocates for a shift towards a more empowering narrative that emphasizes resilience, personal responsibility, and a commitment to universal principles of merit and equality.

In essence, "White Supremacy on Its Deathbed" challenges readers to reconsider the dominant narratives around race and to recognize the complex, often unintended consequences of well-meaning but ultimately flawed antiracist strategies. It calls for a more nuanced and constructive approach to addressing racial disparities, one that respects the individuality and capability of black Americans while fostering genuine dialogue and understanding across racial lines.

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An Unopinionated Introduction to Philosophy (Fourth Edition)
Michael Anthony Istvan Junior Michael Anthony Istvan Junior

An Unopinionated Introduction to Philosophy (Fourth Edition)

"An Unopinionated Introduction to Philosophy" is a groundbreaking textbook designed to cater to the diverse sensitivities and needs of modern students. Celebrated for its pro-student approach, the book seeks to eliminate potential triggers and discomforts that have historically plagued the academic environment.

The textbook, praised for being exceptionally reader-friendly, is seen as a triumph in creating a truly inclusive and protective educational resource. It addresses the historical issue of selective protection in academia, ensuring that all students, regardless of their unique triggers, are shielded from potentially distressing content. Dr. Istvan, the author, emphasizes the necessity of moving beyond exclusionary practices and ensuring comprehensive protection for every student.

One of the central themes of the book is its commitment to removing all forms of distressing content, rather than merely labeling it with trigger warnings. This approach acknowledges the complexity and individuality of student triggers, advocating for a learning environment free from any form of discomfort. The book's inclusion of a bonus chapter on reporting professors highlights its dedication to empowering students to take action against perceived academic injustices.

The book's critics, however, argue that it undercuts traditional academic rigor by prioritizing student comfort over exposure to challenging ideas. Nonetheless, it has received widespread acclaim for its revolutionary approach to education, which places the emotional well-being of students at the forefront.

"An Unopinionated Introduction to Philosophy" also tackles the issue of macro-aggressions, recognizing that even seemingly minor aggressions can have significant impacts on students. By removing potentially harmful content and providing tools for students to report offensive material, the book aims to create a safe and supportive learning environment.

The textbook's success is attributed to its ability to balance the need for academic content with the imperative to protect students from harm. Its innovative approach has been likened to padding the corners of tables to prevent injuries—essentially, it removes the tables altogether to ensure complete safety.

In summary, "An Unopinionated Introduction to Philosophy" represents a significant shift in educational philosophy. It challenges the traditional notion that students must be exposed to uncomfortable ideas to foster learning and growth. Instead, it champions a model of education that prioritizes student safety and comfort, ensuring that all students can engage with philosophical concepts without fear of distress. This book is a testament to the evolving landscape of academia, where inclusivity and protection are paramount.

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Istvan Creative Writing Bios
Michael Anthony Istvan Junior Michael Anthony Istvan Junior

Istvan Creative Writing Bios

The reader should know, however, that some biographical information regarding early-childhood development might prove relevant here. Istvan grew up in a time and place where most of the people closest to him had something special going for them, a trump card—constantly leaned upon, constantly providing succor, constantly manifested in their swagger, constantly verbalized as an unconscious soothing mechanism to stoke endorphins of gratitude (healing even in the toughest times): the fact that, to cite the slogan so often used in moments grave and gay, “at least I’m not white.”

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In That Way
Michael Anthony Istvan Junior Michael Anthony Istvan Junior

In That Way

**In That Way** is a vivid, poignant exploration of the fleeting moments of normalcy and hope experienced by a family grappling with addiction. The poem juxtaposes the harsh realities of drug use with the fragile hope of recovery, using powerful imagery and layered symbolism.

The opening lines set a stark scene: "Close to an 8-ball cut into one mother rail / on the jacket of Skynyrd’s Street Survivors / (frayed and faded by a dead father’s life)." The 8-ball, a slang term for a measure of cocaine, introduces the pervasive presence of drugs. The reference to Skynyrd's *Street Survivors* album, particularly one worn and "frayed and faded by a dead father’s life," suggests a legacy of hardship and loss. This album choice is significant; *Street Survivors* was released just days before the band's tragic plane crash, infusing the poem with a sense of foreboding and the shadow of past trauma.

The phrase "in that thinning sliver before / tunnel vision cloisters them again" captures the transient clarity before the drugs' effects take hold. The "kitchen glow" symbolizes a brief return to the familial and familiar, where the boys, "conjoined by mistrust of solo-detour sniffs," hint at the communal nature of their addiction, bound together by both camaraderie and suspicion.

The "Blackhole pupils" are a striking metaphor for the emptiness and allure of drug use, where the "fool’s gold" represents the false promises and illusory rewards of their addiction. Yet, despite this, "the boys sparkle in that way that fills Mom," suggesting that even in their altered state, there remains a glimmer of their former selves that brings fleeting comfort to their mother.

Mom's actions, "stirring a big pot of what they will not eat," underscore the futility and heartbreak of her efforts to care for them, juxtaposed with the boys’ "frenetic voltage," an image conveying both their hyperactive state and the electric, unstable energy they exude.

The final lines evoke a wistful hope: "where there is talk, daylight / talk, of sports and crushes, school and jobs; / talk, as seasons turn, of kicking the habit." This "daylight talk" contrasts sharply with the darkness of their addiction, reflecting ordinary aspirations and the cyclical nature of their lives. The reference to "seasons turn" suggests the passage of time and the recurring hope for change and recovery, even as the reality remains fraught with difficulty.

In sum, **In That Way** captures the complex interplay of despair and hope within a family affected by addiction. It highlights the moments of human connection and normalcy that persist despite the overarching shadow of drug use, offering a nuanced portrayal of the struggle for recovery and the enduring, if fragile, bonds of family.

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Visiting Elizabeth
Michael Anthony Istvan Junior Michael Anthony Istvan Junior

Visiting Elizabeth

**Visiting Elizabeth** is a poignant and evocative narrative that delves into themes of familial disarray, childhood trauma, and the painful nuances of supervised family visits. The poem captures a specific moment in time, laden with the emotional weight of strained family dynamics and the stark realities of a broken system.

The poem begins with a recollection of the last time the narrator saw his sister, Elizabeth, in 1998. This visit, marked by a CPS-supervised meeting at the city hall in Poughkeepsie, sets a somber tone. The stark contrast between the narrator's age of fifteen and Elizabeth's tender age of three highlights the responsibility and burden he carries at such a young age.

The journey to Poughkeepsie is depicted through the uncomfortable ride in their grandparents' car, underscoring the cramped and unpleasant conditions. The narrator's position on his father's lap, surrounded by garbage bags, amplifies the sense of suffocation and the inescapable presence of dysfunction. The "stench amplified by Grandma and her Yorkie" adds a visceral layer to the experience, painting a vivid picture of discomfort and neglect.

The poem's second section shifts to the immediate events before the visit. The father’s need for cigarettes and the stop at the gas station introduce an element of instability and dependency. The narrator's reluctant compliance in holding the brown-bagged 40 hints at a role reversal, where the child assumes responsibilities beyond his years. The mention of Grandma’s "hand-brushed red" Mazda and her repeated calls to remember the camera and coloring book indicate a semblance of routine in their chaotic lives.

In the park, the father's nervous demeanor and his clandestine drinking highlight his struggles and attempt to cope with the impending visit. The narrator's refusal to drink and his decision to reject carrying the beer further underscore his role as the reluctant caretaker. The act of burying the beer in the snow becomes a symbolic gesture of hiding their dysfunction from public scrutiny, emphasized by the narrator's remark to a passing suit, “Gotta keep it cool.”

Inside the city hall, the setting transitions to the controlled environment of the meeting room. The brief interaction with Elizabeth, marked by her grimace at the foreign beer kisses and retreat to the caseworker's lap, poignantly captures the emotional distance and the unnaturalness of their encounter. The act of taking pictures while Elizabeth colors becomes a metaphor for capturing fleeting moments of connection amidst the pervasive sense of estrangement.

The poem concludes with their departure, highlighting the fleeting nature of the visit. Grandpa’s curbside presence, the father’s fabricated excuses about money, and the eventual purchase of lottery tickets paint a picture of futility and the cyclical nature of their circumstances. The mention of the Win4 lotto numbers serves as a stark reminder of their reliance on chance and the slim hopes for a better future.

**Visiting Elizabeth** intricately weaves together the narrator’s observations, the dysfunctional family dynamics, and the stark realities of supervised visits, creating a powerful narrative that resonates with themes of loss, responsibility, and the enduring impact of a fractured family system. The poem's vivid imagery and raw honesty provide a window into the complexities of growing up in an environment marked by instability and yearning for connection.

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Don’t let anyone tell you that real life is lacking in poetic interest. This is exactly what the poet is for: he has the mind and the imagination to find something of interest in everyday things. Real life supplies the motifs, the points that need to be said—the actual heart of the matter; but it is the poet’s job to fashion it all into a beautiful, animated whole. You are familiar with Fürnstein, the so-called “nature poet”? He has written a poem about growing hops, and you couldn’t imagine anything nicer. I have now asked him to write some poems celebrating the work of skilled artisans, in particular weavers, and I am quite sure he will succeed; he has lived among such people from an early age, he knows the subject inside out, and will be in full command of his material. That is the advantage of small works: you need only choose subjects that you know and have at your command. With a longer poetic work, however, this is not possible. There is no way around it: all the different threads that tie the whole thing together, and are woven into the design, have to be shown in accurate detail. Young people only have a one-sided view of things, whereas a longer work requires a multiplicity of viewpoints—and that’s where they come unstuck.—Goethe (Conversations with Eckermann)


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in how many dreams might you
have appeared last night—
all those met along the way?